Keywords

Egyptian Rearing Practices

In this chapter, we discuss two Egyptian rearing practices that aim to produce culturally valued behaviors and attitudes among children. Specifically, we examine the rearing practice of Takafol (translated as mutual care), which is the expectation that parents and children will continue to care for each other throughout life. We also discuss the rearing practice of observing family rituals, which are religious and cultural practices that aim to increase bonding and connectedness among family members. We explain why these rearing practices are culturally valued in Egypt. We also argue that they can be beneficial or can create personal distress to both parents and children depending on the outcome they produce, even if this outcome is culturally valued. We do not claim that these practices are exclusive to the Egyptian society, but we will discuss how they manifest in the Egyptian cultural context. Further, we provide various examples to highlight these rearing practices and the way they influence family members. However, we must acknowledge that the Egyptian society is undergoing drastic changes because of globalization and the rapid rise of a crude form of capitalism in Egypt (Chekir & Diwan, 2014). We also acknowledge that some of these rearing practices are diminishing and being rapidly replaced by new practices that are in stark contrast with these practices.

Takafol or Mutual Benefit

The first rearing practice that we discuss is takafol. According to this practice, parents take full responsibility of their children’s needs throughout their children’s whole lives regardless of age, and children should take full responsibility of their aging or sick parents. This sense of interconnectedness, described by many psychological studies, suggests that members of the Egyptian society are more likely to adopt a collectivistic, rather than an individualistic, approach toward life (e.g., Abudabbeh, 1996; Buda & Elsayed-Elkhouly, 1998; Oyserman, 1993; Rugh, 1984). Contrary to the individualistic, Western European self, which values independence, autonomy, self-reliance, self-discovery, self-sufficiency, and individuality, the collectivistic self gives more priority to interdependence, family, collectivism, communalism, mutual give-and-take, and growth through joining with others (Sue & Sue, 2003). This self may have open and porous boundaries with less psychological space around others (Roland, 1988). This collectivistic self may also be more open to affective exchange with others and may be more sensitive to the expectations and needs of others (Triandis, 1989). The cultural practice of takafol may have resulted from this collectivistic, interdependent, and communal sense of self that characterizes many members of the Egyptian society. Triandis (2001) argued that child-rearing practices of collectivistic families stress conformity, obedience, security, and reliability. We argue that the practice of takafol may serve as a cultural manifestation of these values. However, and as mentioned earlier, we acknowledge that a growing segment of the Egyptian society is abandoning these values; hence, our chapter is not meant to assume generalizations about Egyptian practices.

Benefits of Takafol

The concept of takafol is the notion of family solidarity (White & Rogers, 1997), which refers to familial social relationships that are marked by normative obligations and affective closeness. These normative obligations manifest in Egyptian families by the heavy involvement of parents in their children’s lives. For example, Egyptian parents are often involved in their children’s educational plan and ensure that they complete their everyday homework or assignments. As the Egyptian educational system is far from optimal due to crowded classrooms, poor quality of teachers, and lack of accountability (Egyptian Streets, 2013), many Egyptian parents pay additional funds for their children to receive private tutoring in hopes to enhance their educational experiences and improve their grades. This heavy parental involvement in education is similar to that reported in studies conducted on Arab parents. For example, Freund, Schaedel, Azaiza, Boehm, and Lazarowitz (2018) noted that Arab parents living in Israel often invest time and efforts in their children’s education. Cohen (2006) also concluded that Arab parents in Israel believe that their children’s success in school could lead to upward social mobility and higher status. Overall, research has shown that parents’ involvement in their children’s educational plan is associated with fewer behavioral problems and improved social functioning (El Nokali, Bachman, & Votruba-Drzal, 2010).

With respect to living arrangements, research has shown that some ethnic groups prefer intergenerational co-residency (Goldsheider & Goldsheider, 1993). For example, many Egyptian parents ensure that their children attend a university in their hometown. Children are expected to continue living at home until their marriage (Boyd, 2000). Overall, we believe that the intimate nature of the parent–child relationship in Egypt allows for intense supervision and involvement and may serve to protect young people against risky behavior, such as substance use or school dropout (Malaquias, Crespo, & Francisco, 2014).

In the case of parents, the practice of takafol may benefit them by securing the respect and loyalty of their children, who often accept their parents’ decisions and wishes without questioning. This form of child loyalty was described by Yeh and Bedford (2003) as filial piety, which is the honoring of one’s parents, caring for them when they get older, and carrying their wishes and dreams after their deaths. For example, many Egyptian parents use the word “E’zwah,” which is translated as having power or status, to describe the privilege of having children. In a sense, many parents feel empowered when they raise children that respect and honor them. The practice of takafol may also give parents the confidence that their children will take good care of them when they age or get sick (Teerawichitchainan, Pothisiri, & Long, 2015). For example, many Egyptian families host one of the grandparents in the case of the death of his or her spouse. The cultural expectation of married children to host their elderly parents is not unique to Egyptians, as it also occurs in East Asia and Vietnam (Mason, 1992). If the children have to leave the country to find better opportunities abroad, they may experience guilt and shame about leaving their parents (Sandhu & Asrabadi, 1994). For many Egyptian immigrants, experiencing the death of their parents while they are away from their homeland could create profound feelings of guilt (Mazzucato, Kabki, & Smith, 2006).

The Downside of Takafol

Although takafol secures mutual benefit between children and parents, it may also create many hardships for children. Takafol may not allow children to change the life path that was designated by their parents. As Egyptian parents are heavily involved in their children’s educational plans, it is not uncommon for parents to reject their children’s desire to seek careers or fields of study that do not fit certain gender or cultural expectations (Fouad et al., 2008; Jacobs, 1991). For example, many families of young women discourage them from seeking education in areas that require them to spend many hours outside their homes, such as medicine or engineering (Jacobs, 1991).

Rejection of a daughter’s career choice by her parents may be very disruptive if the feedback she receives from her parents is very important to her (Li & Kerpelman, 2007). Daughters are also encouraged to marry at a young age (Callaghan, Gambo, & Fellin, 2015). On the other hand, young men are often discouraged from seeking a liberal arts education. For example, Egyptian parents may frown upon their son’s request to major in psychology, philosophy, or art (Jacobs, Chhin, & Bleeker, 2006). Overall, this heavy involvement of Egyptian parents in their children’s career choices is similar to that reported among Asian families. For example, Fouad et al. (2008) noted that Asian parents are greatly involved in their children’s career development and choices and concluded that Asian American college students’ career choices are more influenced by their parents than are European American college students’ career choices. An individual’s career choice in such cultural context purely evolves from family needs and expectation and does not become an individual’s choice (Tang, 2002).

Further, many parents may reject their children’s individual choices if they are incompatible with these parents’ expectations (Tang, 2002). For example, they may reject their child’s choice of spouse due to economic, social, or religious reasons. This involvement of Egyptian parents in their children’s choice of spouse is similar to that reported by Baker (2003) in her research on Arab families. For example, she discussed a case of an Arab woman who independently chose her husband and then perceived her marital problem as a punishment from God because she did not involve her extended family in that decision. Egyptian parents tend to be involved in their child’s choice of mate due to a number of reasons. Buunk, Pollet, and Dubbs (2012) argued that a major reason for parents’ attempt to control this choice might result from their desire to maintain the homogeneity and cohesion of the in-group. This may also assure the parents that their children and their spouses will care for them when they age.

On the other hand, Egyptian parents often reject their son or daughter if they disclose that they have same-sex attraction (Bird, LaSala, Hidalgo, Kuhns, & Garofalo, 2017). Egyptian gay men may also face huge difficulties, as they are expected to get married and have children who will carry the name of the family (Liu, 2013). It is possible that this parental over-involvement in their children’s lives could lead to family conflict (Tsai-chae & Nagata, 2008), and this conflict may then lead to psychological problems (Farver, Narang, & Bhadha, 2002).

As shown above, takafol may create low tolerance for differences, individuation, or any lifestyle that defy cultural norms or expectations. It also can present strict expectations such as early marriage (Callaghan et al., 2015), the type of career (Jacobs, 1991), and the choice of spouse (Baker, 2003). A child’s failure to meet these expectations is often accompanied by feelings of guilt and indebtedness (Ma, Desai, George, Filippo, & Varon, 2014).

In the case of parents, takafol may also create many hardships and inconveniences. Many parents may prioritize their children’s educational needs over their own personal needs (Leung & Shek, 2011). They may fully dedicate their lives to their children and may ignore any other aspirations. For example, Henry (2015) discussed a case of an Egyptian woman who delved into a deep state of depression because of her two sons’ joint decision to emigrate to a very distant country. It seemed that she could not define a new role for herself beyond being a mother and a caregiver. In sum, the practice of takafol is a culturally valued rearing practice that can enhance family solidarity, compassion, and bonding (Goldsheider & Goldsheider, 1993). However, it may also create inconveniences, personal distress, and hardships for both children and parents (Tsai-Chae & Nagata, 2008; Li & Kerpelman, 2007).

Observance of Family Rituals and Rules

We will now discuss another Egyptian rearing practice, which is parental expectation of children to observe certain family rituals and rules. Fiese (2006) defined family rituals as repeated special events that involve numerous family members and symbolic acts that develop throughout the family history. Such rituals may promote family members’ sense of belonging, interpersonal communication, and shared memories (Roberts, 1988). Wollin and Bennett (1984) identified two main types of family rituals or rules, which are (a) patterned interactions and (b) family traditions and celebrations, and they made a clear distinction between them. They noted that patterned interactions occur more frequently and are less consciously planned. For example, Egyptian family members are expected to engage in shared activities, such as praying together or attending fixed dinnertime. On the other hand, family traditions and celebrations include holidays and other occasions that occur within a culture, such as religious or cultural holidays (Wollin & Bennet, 1984). For example, Egyptian family members are expected to participate in rituals that have both cultural and religious roots, such as Eid (feast) family meals and family celebrations including engagement parties, weddings, and sobou’ (party marking the seventh day of a child’s birth).

Children follow these rituals and prioritize family harmony over individual needs (Dwairy et al., 2006; Smetana & Ahmad, 2018). However, we must note that Egyptian children’s obedience of family rules might be influenced by a culturally unique parenting style identified by Dwairy (2006) as a controlling-oriented parenting pattern. This parenting pattern is a mixture of authoritative and authoritarian parenting styles (Dwairy, 2006).

Benefits of Observing Family Rules and Rituals

Malaquais et al. (Malaquias et al., 2014) noted that the consistent observance of family rituals and rules could provide children and adolescents with clear structure, was linked to better mental health in adolescence, and served as a protective factor against substance abuse. Adolescents who shared dinner frequently with family showed more commitment to learning, positive values, social skills, and positive identity (Fulkerson et al., 2006). Further, sharing family meals was negatively linked to depression and high-risk behaviors, including substance abuse, antisocial behaviors, violence, academic problems, and eating problems (Malaquias et al., 2014). Crespo, Kielpikowski, Pryor, and Jose (2011), who noted that adolescents who participated in these rituals were less likely to attend mental health services, also discussed the benefits of participating in family rituals. Along the same lines, Fiese et al. (2002) found that family routines and rituals might improve individual health and well-being and increase young adults’ competence.

With respect to parents, Yoon, Newkirk, and Perry-Jenkins (2015) noted that fathers’ involvement in dinnertime rituals relates to positive outcomes, more adaptive skills, and less behavioral problems among girls. When these rituals are healthy and consistent, they positively affect the developmental outcomes of children as well as the functioning of the whole family (Dickstein, 2002). They also found that predictable routines are associated with parental competence, child health, parent–child harmony, and academic achievement, as well as marital satisfaction and adolescents’ sense of personal identity.

The Downside of Observing Family Rituals and Rules

Adherence to family rituals seems to be mostly beneficial, at least in theory, but the way it is applied can be very detrimental. Strom and colleagues (1992) examined the struggle many Egyptian parents face in accommodating to rapid changes in economics, work, and lifelong learning. They also argued that these parents tend to get confused about which child-rearing customs to relinquish and which ones to retain and this intense conflict may eventually lead to considerable anxiety. Some families might show rigidity in expecting their young adult children to observe their cultural rituals or rules in a way that does not allow them to make independent choices or decision (Tang, 2002). Many familial disputes may arise between parents and emerging adults if family expectations or rules are ignored (Tsai-chae & Nagata, 2008).

Most of these rituals have deep religious roots and may create low tolerance for any lifestyle that deviates from religious expectations (Hojat et al., 1999). Research has shown that religious parents put more emphasis on obedience and conformity (Duriez, Soenens, Neyrinck, & Vansteenkiste, 2009). For example, gay men and women will not feel comfortable coming out and may experience internalized homophobia because of family and societal rejections (Jahangir & Abdul-latif, 2016). As the new generation is more exposed to Western influences through social media, movies, and television, adolescents and young adults may rebel against some family traditions, and this may cause intergenerational conflicts (Kwak, 2003). These kinds of conflicts can be destructive when they are frequent and intense, or associated with clashing values (Rasmi & Daly, 2015). For example, Henry (2011) shared some of the frustrations Egyptian women face in dealing with family rules and rituals. A quote by one of the interviewees seemed to capture this frustration:

My brother for example, it does not matter for people if he stays up late or goes wherever he wants, but for me, if I stayed 10 minutes late from my expected return time, they [family] would question why I was late and what did I do? My brother can go out and has more freedom at any time even if he wants to go out at 3:00 AM. Whatever the man does, he can do anything even if it is wrong. Women are monitored in their life style, their work, way of clothing, reputation, and people can shame women. (Henry, 2011, p. 255).

As shown in the excerpt above, the strict expectations of this woman’s family to follow family rules, such as curfew, may result in feelings of resentment, shame, and repression.

Conclusion

In this chapter, we provided an overview of two rearing practices that are culturally valued in the Egyptian cultural context. Specifically, we examined the rearing practice of takafol, which is the expectation that parents and children will continue to care for each other throughout life. We also examined the rearing practice of observing family rituals, which included patterned interactions among family members and the necessity of participating in family celebrations (Wollin & Bennett, 1984). Although these practices are culturally valued in Egypt and may result in many benefits, they may also cause personal distress. Young adult children may benefit from takafol because heavy parental involvement in their educational plans may lead to fewer behavioral problems and enhanced social functioning (El Nokali, Bachman, & Votruba-Drzal, 2010). This heavy parental involvement may also act as a buffer against numerous risk factors, such as drug abuse and school dropout (Malaquias et al., 2014). Takafol may also benefit parents by securing the respect, piety, and loyalty of their young adult children, which may eventually protect them against the negative consequences of aging (Mason, 1992; Teerawichitchainan et al., 2015). On the other hand, takafol may cause distress to children because it can restrict their individual choices and decisions (Tang, 2002). Takafol may also create distress to parents as it may prevent them from attending to their needs and may cause them to offer numerous personal sacrifices in order to maintain family harmony (Henry, 2015; Leung & Shek, 2011). Observance of family rituals such as patterned interactions and family tradition can also be beneficial or distressful.

On the one hand, it may provide young adults with clear structure and may serve as a protective factor against substance abuse (Malaquias et al., 2014). It is also associated with better mental health outcomes (Crespo et al., 2011) as well as parental competence, child health, parent–child harmony, and academic achievement (Fiese et al., 2002). However, parents’ strict expectations of their children to follow these family rituals and rules may prevent an individual from making an independent choice (Tang, 2002) and may lead to intergenerational conflict when these rituals are ignored or rejected by younger family members (Kwak, 2003; Tsai-chae & Nagata, 2008).

We end this chapter with a post from the Facebook page “Humans of New York” (2018), a popular page that has 18 million social-media followers. The founder of this page randomly interviewed regular individuals he met in the streets and had gained huge media attention (Bosman, 2013) because of his great ability to show the wonderful and touching side of humanity. In his relatively recent visit to Egypt, he interviewed numerous Egyptian individuals and posted their experiences in his page. The following quote reflects the way an Egyptian young woman dealt with her family’s strong reaction to her decision to take off the hijab and reflected the benefits and inconveniences of Egyptian rearing practices discussed in this chapter. It is important to note that Muslim girls/women are not forced to wear the hijab in Egypt and many decide to wear it by choice. However, we chose this case example due to its richness and striking relevance to the concepts we discussed in this chapter:

I read a lot on the subject. I studied the texts. And I decided it was permissible to take it off—so that’s what I did. My mom was terrified of what people would think. She asked me to delete all our mutual friends on Facebook. She said if I didn’t wear the hijab, then I couldn’t live at home. So I packed four big bags and went to live with a friend. It was the first time I’d ever slept out of my house. Over the next few weeks, I sent my parents messages every single day. I always told them where I was, what I was doing, and who I was with. I wanted to show that I forgave them, and that I was still their girl, and that one day things would be normal again. They didn’t respond for three months. Until one holiday my uncle called and invited me home for dinner. My parents started crying as soon as I walked in the door. They’d prepared a huge meal. They said that they didn’t mean it, and that they love me a lot, and that they’re proud of me. Things are very good now. We get along even better than when I obeyed. They see I’m doing great things with my freedom. I have a great job and I travel. They’re very proud. I’ve learned to do what you want in life. Because if you do, the world will change to match you. (Humans of New York, 2018).