Introduction

The development of digital media over the last 20 years has led to seismic changes within many aspects of daily life including couple and family relationships. From the very early stages of initiating relationships to post-break-up behaviors, information and communication technologies (ICTs) have the potential to play an influential role in all areas of couple and family relationships.

However, ICTs do not only serve as a virtual meeting place for new interactions, they have also an important role in existing relationships, e.g., in order to help to maintain long-distance intimacy. Research has also investigated the role of the ICTs and their ability to place a strain upon or to trigger the potential break-up of couple relationships. For instance, the excessive use of social media has been shown to contribute to negative relationship outcomes, such as internet infidelity or social media jealousy. Post-break-up behaviors such as social media stalking have also been explored.

The digital revolution influenced the process of family formation in a wide variety of ways. In general, communication for family models such as co-parenting has been facilitated. More specifically, online registers provide the possibility for children who were born as the result of a sperm or egg donor to contact their biological half-siblings who grew up in other families. ICT not only influences all stages of relationships and family formation, it also has an impact on existing families: Digital media can shape intergenerational interactions and relationships. ICT use is often a source of intergenerational conflicts due to the negative correlations between high frequency of ICTs use among children and adolescents and family cohesion. On the other hand, research tries to prove the benefits of incorporating digital media into family life in order to alleviate stressful situations such as the common logistical and organizational challenges most families have to face. Therefore, positive and negative effects of ICTs on family dynamics are considered.

The purpose of this paper is to describe and systematize concepts of internet initiated relationships, the impact of ICTs on relationship development and existing partnerships (e.g. marriage, separation, long-distance intimacy) as well as on modern forms of family formation and existing families (e.g. intergenerational conflicts).

The following research questions are considered against the background of psychological and media communication theories and psychotherapeutic considerations; empirical findings are summarized as well. (1) Initiation of relationships: How do new partners get to know each other in the modern media age? Do online partnerships differ from offline ones concerning relationship development and satisfaction? What options does digital networking offer in terms of modern forms of family formation? (2) Relationship development and existing partnerships: How do couples shape their communication via the internet and smartphone usage? What new opportunities are opening up, and what are the internet-related challenges that have to be faced by couples today? How effective are online interventions for partnership problems? (3) Separations: In which ways does the internet influence separations? Can separations and divorces also be carried out online? (4) Intergenerational relationships: What are the aspects and implications of intergenerational ICT usage?

Impact of ICTs on the Initiation of Relationships

To establish sexual and emotional contacts and to build relationships via ICTs has become a normal variant of the contemporary dating process. This is why, for example, every sixth German internet user aged 14 or older attempted to find a partner in an online single stock exchange or dating app such as Tinder (Tinder membership in Germany as of 2015 2 M.; 8000 new members daily) (Bitkom 2015). In the USA, approximately 15% of the population use dating sites (Statista 2015a). Around 8.4 million active users were registered for online dating exchanges in 2015 (Statista 2015b). In total, about 118 million members were registered in online dating portals in 2017, which indicates that active users are registered on several platforms simultaneously (ibid). Approximately 38% of singles surveyed consider the internet as the best place to find a partner for a long-term relationship (Statista 2016). A positive attitude towards online dating is moderated by the degree of affinity towards the internet and the time spent online, rather than by general opinions about romantic relationships (Anderson 2005).

When looking at online dating services, it is necessary to distinguish between different types of portals: (1) single exchanges where flirt contacts dominate, (2) partner exchanges which correspond most closely to the traditional contact advertisement; (3) erotic dating/casual dating portals that aim to provide non-binding sex contacts and (4) niche providers, i.e., specialized platforms with the objective of connecting people with specific interests and preferences, or (5) the most recent offer, social dating (e.g. Tinder) (usually operated via smartphone; includes the special feature of users having the opportunity to display contacts in their immediate proximity (location-based real-time dating, reported by Handel and Shklovski 2012).

In the psychological online dating research that has developed over the past 20 years (for a current overview, see Aretz et al. 2017), various major research topics can be identified. These include:

Sociodemographic and Personality Characteristics and Motivations of Use

The use of online dating exchanges is independent from education and income. Mostly men, adults 30 to 50 years old, and young adults (18–22 years old) intensively use online exchanges (Skopek 2012; Valkenburg and Peter 2007). Gender differences regarding interaction behavior show that the initiation of contacts is much more frequent among men than women (Skopek 2012). On the other hand, women are more likely to ignore a request than men (Brym and Lenton 2001; Fiore 2004). Overall, there was no correlation between the use of and specific behavioral patterns during online dating and various personality traits (e.g., Blackhart et al. 2014). The motivations are heterogeneous and have been classified, e.g. by Aretz (2016), into intrapsychic (leisure time, security/intimacy, self-assurance, control) and interpsychic (communication, flirtation, sex) needs. In this area, questions concerning the influence of social stereotyping, such as “interracial dating”, (Alhabash et al. 2014) are examined. Findings indicate that, for example, white heterosexual people are particularly attracted by other white users’ online profiles including the desired characteristics matching the expected stereotype (ibid.).

Chances and Risks of Online Dating

The initiation of online relationships shows some special characteristics in comparison with the initiation of offline ones (Finkel et al. 2012; Rosen et al. 2008). There are many advantages of online dating: (1) geographically and temporally independent partner search, (2) people with the same interests can be more easily found by means of precise selection criteria, (3) more control of self-representation and (4) facilitation of the primary initiation of numerous relationships (Eichenberg 2010). However, disadvantages are also discussed and risks are investigated. Online-relationships are seen as deceptive and non-binding and they create unrealistic expectations due to the potential idealization of the counterpart as an “optimal partner” (ibid.). Other authors emphasize the predominance of a strongly cognitive orientation to assess a person’s matching characteristics on the basis of comprehensive information (Geser and Bühler 2006). Other potential risks are particularly sexual ones (see Couch et al. 2012), although many of these risks also exist with offline dating contacts. “Barebacking” (“riding without a saddle” as a metaphor for deliberately unprotected sexual intercourse) describes a specific phenomenon where people search the internet for special contacts that will provide a particular type of sexual encounter. For instance, some people look for HIV-infected partners online in order to infect themselves with the virus (in detail see Eichenberg 2009). Motivations are diverse: Some persons want to control a “self-fulfilling prophecy” and choose the point of time for the active disease progression themselves. Other persons perceive barebacking and the risks as erotic, or want to get infected with a particular disease because of political reasons (Gauthier and Forsyth 1999). And finally, issues also arise for specific groups, such as cyber bullying during online dating among adolescents (Alvarez 2012; Zweig et al. 2013).

Online Dating Process

In the literature, the course of online dating is described in numerous ways by ideal-typical steps (e.g., Döring 2010; Aretz et al. 2017). During the partner search in online contact exchanges, the focus person and the target person get a first impression of each other before they chat via private networks. Hence, the profile creation is of strategic importance (see impression management in online dating, Ellison et al. 2006). The further development of a relationship which originally started on the internet follows a typical pattern: the media change implies that the communication is extended to “rich” media in order to provide a more diverse impression of the potential partner. Typically, the first step is the transfer of communication to private mail or a private messenger. The contact frequency during this phase is usually very high (e.g., regular message exchange until the early hours of the morning). Compared to the initial phase of an offline love relationship, which is characterized by occasional dates, network love affairs typically involve a more continuous and intense engagement during the initial phase. A first critical media interchange is the transition from text-based internet and smartphone communication to telephone calls. Exchanging telephone numbers can be thought of as a confidence test. Nervousness and insecurity can be felt on the phone, whereas they do not seem to be present in conversations on the internet due to the lack of visual and audio interaction. It can be assumed that participants often consider the transition to telephoning to be problematic because the imagined voice during writing is replaced by a real voice. Therefore, the first telephone call may be associated with a sense of alienation or disappointment for some, while others are fascinated by the voice as well as the immediacy, and increased intimacy of the exchange (Döring 2000; Döring and Dietmar 2003).

The first date is the most critical phase during the relationship development, because it ultimately decides whether the relationship will maintain or end in frustration, as seen in the typical online dating slogan “Real life gave me too much information”. Because an online relationship needs to cope with many critical events (such as media changes), it is advisable not to wait too long for a “reality check” of the person. Otherwise, projections could become so powerful that the individual’s expectation of a perfect partner can hardly compete with a real person (Eichenberg 2010). Thus, it was possible to show empirically that the partners rated themselves more positively when the time between online contact and the first date is shorter (Ramirez and Zhang 2007).

Various theories can be applied to investigate the question concerning the effects ICTs can have on the initiation of relationships. In particular, theories of computer-mediated communication (cmc) (for an overview see Döring 2003), but also genuinely psychological theories can provide a conceptual framework (in detail, see Whitty 2008).

Disinhibition Effect

The disinhibition effect (Suler 2004) describes a tendency for users to feel more free on the internet and to give into their impulses more easily than in face-to-face situations due to the lack of or subjectively more weakly experienced social control. Due to the lack of physical cohesiveness and the possibility to behave anonymously, people on the internet more easily reveal secrets, private details, or intimate emotions such as fear or shame. This means they are emotionally more honest (“benign disinhibition”). This goes along with the fact that the encounter is experienced as an old friend even at the first face-to-face meeting (Huels 2011). On the contrary, the disinhibition effect also favors rough and anti-social behavior (“toxic disinhibition”, see Cyber Crime Abuse).

Hyperpersonal Theory

Problems related to the absence of social references and social presence on the internet can easily be overcome. Walther, Slovacek and Tidwell (2001) see advantages of cmc, because people can strategically deal with their self-representation (“time for reflection”). However, it is also the creation of a false or exaggerated self-image. In a more favorable and much more frequent case (Heller and Dresing 2001), it can also support a more honest and authentic self-representation.

Object Relation Theories

Equivalent to the concept of “transition space” (Winnicott 1971), ICTs can be described as an extension of the individual’s intrapsychic world (Braun 2009). It is a space that neither solely exists in the imagination nor rises in its given physical reality. Furthermore, it is characterized as a space in which playful-experimental encounters of subjective imagination and the real world imply a potential of development and change. Accordingly, online relationships can be understood and described as a liberating experience through the possibility of experimenting with the self-representation (see also “trial dealing” according to Freud 1945).

The central peculiarity of intimate relationships established via modern media lies in an accelerated self-opening compared to face-to-face situations (“disinhibition effect”), which leads to intensive intimacy in online relationships.

Influences of ICTs on the Development of Couple Relationships and Family Foundations

The initiation of an online relationship has an impact on the further relationship development. Research has focused on how online and offline relationships differ concerning their further development. Is online dating successful? Can long-term relationships develop?

Relationship History of Established Partnerships

Already in the year 2000, Döring (2000) proved with an analysis of N = 109 online experience reports of cyber love couples, which have documented their relationship processes, that most of the established relationships via the internet developed well. In another study by Baker (2004) (N = 800 married couples) results indicate that online couples have been more often married shortly after their first contact. These couples described their marriage as “happy”, “harmonious” and they were optimistic regarding the future. Recent studies show that a partnership established through social networks is not exposed to a higher risk of divorce or separation and can be as happy as relationships that were built up offline (e.g., Hall 2014). Aditi (2014) used data from a national representative survey (USA) (N = 4002). The findings reveal that couples who have met online dated more and had more romantic partnerships than marriages compared to couples who have met offline. However, the separation rate of marriages and non-marital relationships among couples that met online was higher than in offline-initiated relationships in this study. Additionally, the relationship quality and duration were also significant factors that determined whether couples stayed together.

With respect to online dating, two hypotheses are investigated in many studies: on the one hand, the “rich-get-richer” hypothesis (i.e. extroverted users and those who have many social contacts also experienced positive consequences from internet use) (Kraut et al. 2002), and on the other hand, the opposite “social compensation” hypothesis (i.e., introverted users with little social contacts use the internet for compensation of real life social deficits) (Bargh and McKenna 2004). A large number of studies (e.g., Valkenburg and Peter 2007; Abbas and Mesch 2016; Lee 2009) were able to prove the rich-hypothesis in their research. However, other studies (Stinson and Jeske 2016; Poley and Luo 2012) assume that the “rich-get-richer” and “social compensation” hypotheses are rather less significant in terms of online dating. Social influence (e.g. peer pressure) has a more substantial influence on using online dating.

However, modern media simplify not only the partner search, but also create more options for modern forms of living together and support the pluralization of family formations.

Role of the Internet in Modern Family Models

Family types are becoming more diverse and various options for family formations are becoming increasingly important. The possibilities involve egg cell and sperm donation to singles as well as to homosexual couples and heterosexual couples with fertility problems. It is also possible to offer those options online. Hence, a sperm donation can be initiated via a corresponding website. Personal characteristics can be called up via the donors’ profile and a first contact can be initiated. There are more sperm donors registered via connection websites than in clinics. This can be linked to the increase in social networks, the high costs of fertility treatments, the increase in single females and lesbian couples seeking artificial insemination, and the introduction of open-identity donation in some countries (Freeman et al. 2016). There are also web pages (for example, https://www.europeanspermbank.com/en) which check and assure the quality of sperm. But there are also fears associated with private portals (e.g. https://www.co-parentmatch.com/how-it-works.aspx). Neither the arrangements nor the medical and personal factors can be checked, since those cannot be controlled the same as with an official sperm bank in hospitals (ibid.). The private portals recommend contracts, HIV tests, etc., but compliance is the responsibility of the users.

The motivation of sperm donors has already been investigated in various studies with the result that it is usually a combination of altruism and financial compensation (Bay et al. 2014). A survey (N = 383) (Freeman et al. 2016) found out that most donors are heterosexual and between the ages of 18 and 69. Heterosexual men prefer natural (in vivo) fertilization, though the vast majority of pregnancies occurred through artificial insemination. Most of the donors have seen their child’s photo and a quarter has already met or is in contact with the child.

Another way to form a family online is egg donation, managed by agencies. The visibility of the agencies has increased through the internet. The agencies search for suitable women via websites and show interested people profiles of donors. A qualitative study (Keehn et al. 2015) about those websites showed that most of them use marketing techniques and describe the egg donation as a mutual benefit and a fulfilling experience. The websites encourage the donors’ emotional fulfillment and specifically address the recipients’ fears concerning the egg donation (the search for the perfect donor with the desired characteristics, etc.). Some ethical questions arise from this form of communication and advertising, since the websites influence the donors and emotionally manipulate them (for example, talking about the absolute fulfillment of dreams) and ignore ethical issues regarding egg donation. Thus, guidelines are being demanded which control the egg donations offered online (ibid.).

Another option for family foundations are surrogacies, e.g. via online portals or agencies (e.g., http://www.circlesurrogacy.com). The website surro_moms_online (SMO, http://www.surromomsonline.com) is probably the largest moderated public website on surrogacy with approximately 30,000 members, over 100,000 threads and more than one million postings in the USA (Berend 2016). New members have to fill out a series of questionnaires in order to gain trust and to be included in the community. The objectives of the exchange are the emotional support for a planned surrogacy, questions about pregnancy, and legal information. Surrogate mothers are not allowed in all countries. The Max Planck Institute for Foreign and International Criminal Law (https://meddb.mpicc.de) provides an overview of the legal regulations in European countries with regard to reproductive medicine. However, it must always be differentiated between the commercial non-altruistic form of surrogacy and altruistic surrogacy (Reime 2017). The commercial use is banned in most countries around the world.

Finding half-siblings which were conceived via sperm donations is also possible online; the searchers must register on a website (for example, https://www.donorsiblingregistry.com). This one database already has more than 50,000 members. Since each sperm donor has a number which must be entered by the searchers, the previously unknown half-siblings can be found. A study (online questionnaire, N = 791) about parents who searched for their children in the online portal (donor sibling registry) found that most parents were looking for the genetic relatives of their children out of curiosity and to help their children develop a safer and fuller identity (Freeman et al. 2009).

Impact of the Internet on Existing Partnerships

ICTs also play a central role in existing partnerships. This creates opportunities as well as problems.

Opportunities for Existing Partnerships Through ICT Usage

Media-Assisted Communication

For example, a large part of mobile communication is classified as romantic communication. It allows staying in contact during the day, but modern media are also essential for long-distance relationships (Billedo et al. 2015). An increase of media communication has been observed between relationship partners in the last few years (Linke 2010). Therefore, individual couples develop characteristic media use patterns. Typically, one to two contact media, which were dominant in terms of frequency and importance, were found for the surveyed couples. Whereas systematic connections between the bonding style and the availability of media were not demonstrable, the hypothesis seems to have been supported that couples could successfully cope with bonding situations, particularly with the help of mobile communication media (Döring and Dietmar 2003). Smartphones etc. offer a low-threshold communication, so the partner can be easily contacted if needed. Nevertheless, telecommunication media also create new communication problems (e.g., through technical problems, such as “dead spots”).

Help with Relationship Problems

In addition to a large number of web forums about love and relationship, there are professional counseling or therapy programs on the internet (Pollock 2006). Theratalk.de, offered from the University of Göttingen (Germany), is explicitly understood as an online couple therapy forum. Another example is the US-American program OurRelationship, which is based on an evaluated couple-therapy model. A randomized study (N = 600) showed that partnership satisfaction significantly improved after the intervention (Doss et al. 2016).

Psychosocial online counseling services for people with relationship problems are much more frequent. For example, an analysis of N = 134 users of the German sexual-related online counseling “sextra.de”, which mainly addresses adolescents asking sex related questions, showed that the easy and fast accessibility as well as the possibility of an anonymous request were the most decisive motives for usage. The average satisfaction with the received advice was very high. On a scale from 0 (very dissatisfied) to 6 (very satisfied), the respondents rated their satisfaction on average with 4.6 (SD = 1.3). A standardized measurement of the change in the psychological burden before and after counseling offered to N = 77 patients by using three scales (uncertainty in social contact, depression, anxiety) of the Brief Symptom Inventory (BSI, Franke 2000) showed significant improvements on the depression and anxiety scales. These are generally promising results for the effectiveness of online counseling on relevant relationship issues, which consisted mainly of single-interventions (Eichenberg 2007). Furthermore, some sites offer relational preventive interventions. The website http://www.1x1liebe.de, developed by the psychoanalyst and behaviorist David Wilchfort, has the goal of changing relationship-specific interpretation distortions through a minimal intervention (every day, each partner reflects on a positive experience with the other). In a study of N = 165 individuals, most of the participants developed a new perspective on their partner and thereby strengthened their relationship after 2 weeks of intervention (Wendt 2016).

Sexuality

ICTs also create opportunities for couples in the field of sexuality, since the web can be used to get information about sexual issues (Aicken et al. 2016). Online sexuality can positively influence the partnership. Thus, cybersex, i.e. sexual interactions between online users, enables geographically separated couples experiencing intimacy in their relationship. Sex-Robotic (using robots for sexual activities) is a new trend for the future (see in detail Döring 2017). One example are robots, which can be used in long-distance relationships and serve as a picture of one’s own partner. The device “Kissenger” enables people to exchange kisses (ibid.) Another example is “Teledildonic”: it is possible to be sexually active with VR technology and Teledildonic, especially for people in long-distance relationships (ibid.).

Online pornography can have a positive influence on the partnership (e.g. information gain, inspiration, help meeting one’s own needs, overcoming socialized sexual shame and guilt feelings, cf. Eichenberg and Auersperg 2013). But there are only a few studies of online pornography usage involving both partners (Campell and Kohut 2016). For example, Bridges (2008) showed that couples who consume pornography together have a higher degree of partnership satisfaction than couples who use it separately. Staley and Prause (2013) reported an increase in the self-assessment of their own “sexual competence” and their desire to be closer to the partner, though no effect on relationship satisfaction was reported.

Problems Through Digital Media on Existing Partnerships

Cybersex Addiction

The partner‘s sexual online activities may cause difficulties, even if couples are more open-minded in this field (Maddox et al. 2011). The influence of cybersex on existing relationships, whether it proves to be threatening, meaningless or enriching, depends on the couples’ agreements about cybersex. However, non-consensual or addictive sexual internet use, such as cybersex addiction (Eichenberg and Blokus 2010; Wéry and Billieux 2017), often imposes high burdens on the partnership (Schneider 2003; Gonyea 2004).

Only prevalence studies on self-selected online samples are available to determine the extent of cybersex addiction. Daneback et al. (2006) showed a prevalence rate of 5.6% cybersex users measured with the sexual compulsivity scale (Kalichman and Rompa 1995). Thus, it is clear that the majority of cybersex users do not perceive any problems associated with their usage. However, studies show massive effects not only for those who are affected but also for their partners and family members (Schneider 2003). Schneider et al. (2012) examined the effects of cybersex on users’ partners through an online survey. The results show that the partners can lose their trust in their partner and professional help can become necessary to cope with the negative impact of cybersex. Weinstein et al. (2015) showed that cyber-sex foresees problems in intimate relations. They also found that such relationship problems can lead to increased incidence of cybersex. It is therefore evident that partners should be involved in the treatment of cybersex addiction (Briken and Basdekis-Jozsa 2010).

Cyber Infidelity

Via social media, it is possible to communicate online with another (alternative) partner, which can lead to relationship problems, separation, or divorce (McDaniel et al. 2017; Vossler 2016). In particular, loss of confidence and even traumatic effects are described in some cases (Cavaglion and Rashty 2010; Mao and Raguram 2009). A study of N = 338 married couples/individuals showed that behaviors associated with infidelity were significantly related to lower relationship satisfaction, higher relationship ambivalence, and lower connectivity (ebd). Hertlein and Blumer (2014) listed seven potential threats that could lead to “Internet infidelity”: Anonymity, Accessibility, Affordability, Approximation, Acceptability, Ambiguity, and Accommodation (see Vossler 2016).

Online Jealousy

Another consequence of sexual interactions on the internet is “digital jealousy”. For example, information that people can read about their partners in social networks can provoke jealousy (Muise et al. 2009, according to; Aretz et al. 2010). However, studies indicate that digital jealousy is not a medium-specific phenomenon. The high correlation between dispositional and digital jealousy suggests that people with high propensity to jealousy also perceive content on the internet as more menacing than people whose dispositional jealousy is rather low (Aretz et al. 2010). In today’s world, it`s the challenge of each partnership to define as a couple which behaviors are referred to as “cheating” in the context of social media use.

Influences of ICTs on Separations

The internet also plays a role in separations. In some countries, there is the legal possibility of filing for divorce online, if it is an undisputed divorce. This is also partially possible in Germany: the entire proceeding with a divorce attorney can be done online, but an authorized lawyer must submit the petition for divorce to the family court (§ 114 para. 1 FamFG). Being present in person in court is also required at the end of divorce proceedings (§ 128 para. 1 FamFG). Nevertheless, the entire divorce procedure can be shortened through online correspondence with a lawyer; as appointments for meetings are not necessary and documents can be sent online. In the USA and Australia, court forms can be filled out online (see for Australia: http://www.familycourt.gov.au/wps/wcm/connect/fcoaweb/family-law-matters/separation-and-divorce/how-do-I-apply-for-a-divorce/) and the divorce will be filed online. However, the regulations on divorce in the USA vary from state to state.

Online intervention programs for mediation in divorce proceedings were also evaluated. The issue of the use of “online parenting”, i.e. virtual contacts between parents and child after divorce (Saini et al. 2013), also arises. However, the internet can also be destructively used, in the form of cyber stalking after unrequited love or badly ended relationships.

Online Mediation

Mediation is generally perceived as more satisfactory in a divorce than a legal dispute (Gramatikov and Klaming 2011). Mediated divorces are perceived fairly and neutral by all participants (Lind and Tyler 1988). Performing mediation online can help the parties to focus on the essentials so the emotional aspects of the conflict affect them less than in face-to-face meetings. Likewise, the parties do not have to see each other (if they no longer want to) if they want to make an agreement. An online mediation seems to be appropriate for divorces, since the two parties usually know each other well enough to handle the other’s answers and intentions, despite the lack of non-verbal communication.

In the Netherlands, the pilot project online mediation ODR (Online Dispute Resolution) for divorce proceedings was initiated 2009 and evaluated. The goal of ODR was to develop a cost efficient and time-saving asynchronous intervention for divorces in order to support both parties to develop solutions (Gramatikov and Klaming 2011). The communication was asynchronous and responses had to be made within 48 h (this was also defined in the user agreement). A total of N = 112 people (= 56 couples) participated in the evaluation. The results show that only a small number of couples also had a legal advisor during the mediation. 76% of the surveyed couples reported that they had reached an acceptable agreement through online mediation. Overall, the online mediation and its quality were rated positively (ibid.)

The “Online Divorce Education Programs” offer online support to divorce procedures. Divorce Education Programs have existed in the USA since the mid-1970s with the goal of assisting divorcing parents to focus on their children’s needs (Schramm and McCaulley 2012). Some states mandated participation in these programs as an obligatory precondition for a divorce (Bowers et al. 2011). The programs include aspects regarding children’s reactions and needs during divorce (e.g. typical reactions, warning signs, consequences of “bad mouthing” the other parent), but also content for the affected parents (e.g. personal challenges, emotions), court-focused content (e.g. law, mediation, procedure) (in detail, see ibid.). A review of online divorce education programs showed that they were often created from existing face-to-face programs, but the technical possibilities were not fully used and didactical shortcomings were identified (ibid.).

Cyberstalking

A relatively new form of criminal activity in the private sphere is stalking, which is the obsessive persecution of people combined with harassment and threats that begins with a narcissistic bonding fantasy (Hoffmann 2006). Cyberstalking is particularly popular with former partners (Dreßing et al. 2014). The range in which this development manifests itself extends from interventions in the private sphere to direct and hidden threats and finds new forms of expression on the internet. In particular, social networks, which provide a lot of private information such as habits, preferences, etc., can open up possibilities for stalkers.

Unlike offline stalking, cyber stalking involves stalking operations that are carried out by technical communication, such as the mobile phone or the internet. The peculiarity of these communication forms for the stalker is that they help to conceal their identity and therefore they can act incognito. Examples of cyber stalking are: sending threatening e-mails, buying and selling articles on the internet under the victim’s name, creating homepages under the victim’s name, pretending to be another person on the internet to gain the victim’s trust and to get personal data, as well as the publication of internet advertisements in the victim’s name or with the victim’s contact details (Lyndon et al. 2011; Al Mutawa et al. 2016).

Fox and Tokunanga (2015) state that “Facebook stalking” has nothing in common with criminal stalking, but especially becomes a problem for the person conducting the stalking. This means that after relationship break-ups, the former partner’s profile is still being visited in order to receive information from his/her life and to remain “connected”, which ultimately makes the separation process more difficult.

Influences of Modern Media Usage on Intergenerational Relationships

Today’s adolescents are often referred to as the first generation of digital natives (Hugger 2010). The digital immigrants are less familiar with and often more skeptical about media and its use than those who grew up with it, for which the “network platforms and instant messaging, video platforms and Wikipedia, simply the internet” are no new or revolutionary offers” (Lampert et al. 2011, p. 275). Chances as well as challenges for families arise from the discrepancy between the generations (in detail, Eichenberg and Auersperg in press).

Opportunities

Children’s mobile phone use usually starts at the age of 9 or 10 years at which time the parents are important communication partners (Döring 2015). A smartphone enables low-threshold contacts and has the potential to allow close connections to grandparents living far away (ibid.). Family appointments are simplified by media usage (with smartphones, such as shared calendars). In general, children’s media expertise in the family context is seen as an important tool to improve the parents’ and grandparents’ digital skills and internet use (see also Eynon and Helsper 2015). However, intergenerational problems arise from precisely this problem of disparity of competence levels.

Problems

Intergenerational conflicts in connection with internet use were more frequent in families where parents unilaterally emphasized the negative consequences of internet usage and thereby neglected its potential (Mesch 2006). For example, a survey (N = 754) showed that the internet-related conflict between adolescents and parents is mostly due to the perception of adolescents being computer experts (ibid.). The use of smartphones can also be a balancing act between more freedom and control (by the parents) for children and young people (Döring 2015). It is central to recognize that the internet is particularly attractive for young people due to its high social importance and limited control possibilities. The more young people perceive their parents and teachers as non-media-competent, non-internet-friendly or even as internet refusing, the more the danger increases that adolescents do not trust them, especially in the occurrence of stressful events. An unbiased view of children’s and adolescent’s attitudes can help to identify the potential of these media as well as the current important identity and developmental topics which they try to figure out with the help of the media content and their contacts (Eichenberg and Auersperg in press).

Conclusion

Importance of the Internet for Couples and Families

In summary, the role of the internet in new, existing and separated partnerships and multifaceted families as well as the influence of modern media is the subject of many research efforts. Internet usage opens up a new communication space for getting to know each other, such as online dating, to form families through web sites for sperm or egg donation (or surrogate mothers), or to discuss relationship problems and separations. The internet can offer possibilities for improved communication within the family, but it creates intergenerational conflicts at the same time.

Research Desiderata and Other Trends

The investigation of long-term effects, e.g. the effects on the stability of online-affiliated partnerships and effects on children in the adult age who were born by sperm or egg donation (for example, to get to know half-siblings or donors in order to develop a safe identity) are lacking. The impact of virtual sexuality has so far been studied mainly with regard to only one person within a relationship, so further studies are necessary to investigate the impact on both partners. A future trend is sex robotics, which is already a controversial issue (especially from an ethical point of view), but comprehensive studies are also missing on the usefulness of sex robotics in partnerships.

Implications for Therapeutic Work with Couples and Families

Problems associated with modern media usage are becoming more and more frequent during consultations and psychotherapies. Therefore, it is important that psychosocial workers are also familiar with the trends of digital media. Internet-related problems (see Eichenberg and Kühne 2014) are not genuinely new disturbances, since the media usage per se does not produce any disorders or problems but rather acts as a catalyst. Nevertheless, internet-related issues in relationships have their own peculiarities and dynamics. For example, the cyber stalker can act anonymously which helps supporting his criminal action. The fact that the victim’s reactions are not visible to the stalker and the feeling of being able to act incognito maintains his feelings of injustice. This example shows that the particular dynamics of the internet setting must be taken into account in research endeavors by controlling for treatment strategy (for example traumatization of the victims). It is difficult to end the traumatic process with internet stalking or bullying, since traces in the internet cannot be removed.

However, therapists should also be informed about the constructive potential of the internet for couples and family so that they can also be included in the treatments. Examples include learning about specific options of communication (e.g., between family members living far apart), new possibilities of networking (e.g., people with specific sexual preferences, or finding partners, sperm donors, etc.), counselling services (e.g. online mediation), but also the reflection on the integration of modern media into one’s own therapeutic work. It must be taken into account that interventions in the online setting must consider the special features of computer-mediated communication (Eichenberg and Kühne 2014).