The Ps: The Pathways to Negotiation Successes

Abstract

Negotiation is a daily occurrence. And one must have the necessary attitude to negotiate. In the nutshell, it is all about the Ps for successful negotiations. The pathways to negotiation success are shown here.

Everything is negotiable. Whether or not the negotiation is easy is another thing.

Carrie Fisher

Negotiation means getting the best of your opponent.

Marvin Gaye

I will prepare and some day, my chance will come.

Abraham Lincoln

14.1 Introduction

Negotiation is an everyday occurrence. And one must indeed have the necessary ballast and attitude to negotiate with one’s OP/Others. In brief, this second last chapter is all about the Ps for successful negotiations, that is the pathways to negotiation successes. And these pathways to negotiation successes are as follows.

14.2 The Negotiation Attitude

Goodwill is the one and only asset that competition cannot undersell or destroy.—Ludwig Borne

Trust is not simply a matter of truthfulness, or even constancy. It is also a matter of amity and goodwill. We trust those who have our best interests at heart, and mistrust those who seem deaf to our concerns.—Gary Hamel

To this author, attitude entails one’s ways or thought-out principles of thinking/feeling about and/or doing something; as in this case, negotiating with the Other Party (OP)/people and others.

Be nice to all; apply kindness and build goodwill. And interestingly, Nelson Mandela once said that, “Our experience has taught us that with goodwill a negotiated solution can be found for even the most profound problems”.

Be sure too that you know yourself and what you want; know what you need.

Here is the Pathway to Negotiation Success Attitude, and I have put them in the form of the Ps. And they (not necessary in order of priorities) are as follows:

14.2.1 Purpose

Find out who you are. And do it on purpose.—Dolly Parton

The important thing is that men should have a purpose in life. It should be something useful, something good.—Dalai Lama

He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.—Friedrich Nietzsche

Napoleon Hill once stressed that, “There is one quality which one must possess to win, and that is definiteness of purpose, the knowledge of what one wants, and a burning desire to possess it”.

Yes, do know your purpose in life and do seriously note that purpose drives what or everything we do. It is not a role-play, a rehearsal or something fake; it is real.

Do not be arrogant or proud for that would lead to one’s downfall. Be humble, and always be aware of one’s purpose. Denis Waitley underscored that, “Winners are people with definite purpose in life”. This is because, to me, if one can’t figure out one’s purpose, one would be miserable and one’s life would be unbearable and seemingly without any meaning. Greatness of one’s life is born out of one’s definite purpose in life.

And what more, there is really a need to awaken the greatness within yourself; you need to know your vision, mission and values in life too.

Know your purpose; and you also know your goals. And seek to achieve them.

And here, the late Og Mandino emphasised this, “I am here for a purpose and that purpose is to grow into a mountain, not to shrink to a grain of sand. Henceforth will I apply ALL my efforts to become the highest mountain of all and I will strain my potential until it cries for mercy” (Fig. 14.1).

Fig. 14.1

One needs to find one’s purpose to negotiate. Why do you [want to] negotiate with your OP?

14.2.2 Passion

One of the huge mistakes people make is that they try to force an interest on themselves. You don’t choose your passion; your passion chooses you.—Jeff Bezos

Believe in Your Heart

Believe in your heart that you’re meant to live a life full of passion, purpose, magic and miracles.—Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart

Discover or uncover your next P, that is, Passion.

Mother Teresa once said, “We can do no great things, only small things with great love”.

You should love what you do and do what you love. Sounds like a cliché; surely so, but passion is energy.

Like rocket fuel, passion energises. Be energised. Be strong, feel the fire or fuel that arises from focusing on what excites and animates you.

Negotiations must be a joy, not a chore.

In life and during negotiations, people who are indifferent can hardly creative or imaginative, and they don’t seem to be able to think laterally to break deadlocks, negotiate and discuss issues well.

In negotiations, it is apt and valuable to adopt and practice this: Be passionate. Yes, it’s my place in the world; it is my life. Move on! Go on, and do all I can with it, and make it the life I want to live!

And indeed Ella Jane Fitzgerald spoke of, “Just don’t give up trying to do what you really want to do. Where there’s love and inspiration, I don’t think you can go wrong”.

It’s a sure thing; know what you love, do what you love and achieve it! (Here, Cassandra King underscored that, “I’m using passion in the fullest sense of the word: a deep, fervent emotion, a state of intense desire; an enthusiastic ardor for something or someone”.)

14.2.3 Preparations

If your enemy is secure at all points, be prepared for him. If he is in superior strength, evade him. If your opponent is temperamental, seek to irritate him. Pretend to be weak, that he may grow arrogant. If he is taking his ease, give him no rest. If his forces are united, separate them. If sovereign and subject are in accord, put division between them. Attack him where he is unprepared, appear where you are not expected.—Sun Tzu, The Art of War

By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.—Benjamin Franklin

Glen Duncan, I, Lucifer, pointed out that, “Any seasoned deal maker will tell you that spontaneous negotiation’s a bad strategy; the ad hoc approach will leave you ripped-off, busted, conned, stiffed, outsmarted and generally holding the shitty end of the stick”.

In negotiations, one often applies the proverb, “hope for the best, but prepare for the worst”. Bad things might happen, so be ready, trained and prepared.

Certainly so, good preparations minimise loses, misses and wastes. Before each negotiation, always be prepared. Plan, plan and plan!

One can also avoid surprises when one is better prepared. Ben-Yehuda and Luna (2019) spoke of these: When one is caught by surprise in a negotiation, it is usual to freeze up. Taken altogether, one wasn’t prepared for one’s OP to change the deadline, take back a promise, or deliver an ultimatum. If this happens, one attempts to avoid immediately jumping to a conclusion. Instead, one may suspend judgement, consider “I wonder what steered them to say that”, and then ask at least one question. For example, if an employee suddenly demands a raise by saying, “I’ve been undervalued for too long”, try not to shut down the appeal, even if one thinks it’s off base. Ask something like: “Can you walk me through your thinking? What would securing a raise mean to you personally?” This kind of questioning might surface the employee’s real need—perhaps, to be seen as an important contributor—and then one could negotiate an adjustment around the employee’s visibility rather than his or her pay.

And indeed one has to prepare thoroughly and cover most, if not, all grounds. Being well-prepared creates one’s confidence and gives an edge to one as the negotiator.

A Chinese proverb speaks of, “The best time to plant a tree was twenty years ago. The second best time is now”.

Think. And be prepared; think well, attempt to see different perspectives and be better prepared.

One also needs to clarify one’s aims and gather one’s information.

If one is doing a research, one then has to conduct a survey or run some interviews. Before negotiating, one has to do one’s homework; like a farmer, before planting, one ploughs and prepares the ground.

We need to think, make preparations and be better prepared; to illustrate this, Mahathir Mohamad once said, “I not only think but also look and study things carefully. When I travel around, I look at things carefully, make comparisons of what I see. I don’t accept things at face value, you cannot trust what you hear or see. Don’t jump to conclusions without thinking”.

Yes, one must make good or better preparations. As a skilled negotiator, you should also identify the facts, rather than just opinions. Once you know you are in a negotiating situation, you need to gather information about the OP’s offer(s) (what are his or her aspirations and walkaway points?) and use it to refine your own (what are your aspirations and walkaway points?). Many negotiations come stuck simply because one side or the other doesn’t listen, or check, or take the time to clarify exactly what the OP is offering, or indeed really know what they themselves are offering or in short, they are ill-prepared.

14.2.4 Priorities

To change your life, you need to change your priorities.—Mark Twain

Action expresses priorities.—Mahatma Gandhi

The first step to success is to know your priorities. And the skilled negotiator has his (her) priorities. And (s)he must also be aware of that of his (her) OP.

[Normally when one negotiates, one knows what one’s key issues are, and one sequences them. For example, if one is trying to close a new client, one might say that the price is most important, and if one does not agree, there is no use to continue or carry on (Hedges 2013).]

And if the priorities of the negotiator and that of the OP match, then it would be better still. There is a common ground.

Yes, do know your values, goals and prioritise them. Values, your convictions or what is close and dear to your heart are critical, and these are what make you your own person (negotiator).

Decide what your top priority is. Which goal is the closest to my final WHY? When you know your why you will be able to prioritise more effectively.

Do what is essential and important. Choose what will get you closer to the goal. It may not be the most urgent but the most important.

Act on those tasks and actions that will get you goal attained.

Yes, know too the values of your OP, if the values match, it is better still. There is a sense of inclusiveness on the OP’s part with you; and you with him (her). You are like his (her) mirror. The more values shared, the better it is; (s)he thinks, feels and acts like you.

It is worth repeating here, that is take note that people like people who are like themselves.

14.2.5 Play to Your Strengths

I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.—Audrey Hepburn

The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places.—Ernest Hemmingway

There is goodness in all things. And Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama pointed out that, “The roots of all goodness lie in the soil of appreciation for goodness”; indeed one needs to cherish oneself. Be grateful for and appreciate what we have, treasure them.

Know your strengths, skills and competences. Appreciate them.

Know your SWOT: Strengths, Weaknesses; Opportunities and Threats. Think of and about them; capitalise, play with them and soar with your strengths. Build your strengths, and competences.

Know your Weaknesses; you are strong when you know your weaknesses. You are magnificent when you understand your flaws. You are wise when you learn from your mistakes.

Know thus how to defend yourself.

Know the SWOT of your OP; capitalize, pitting your SWOT against the OP’s. After all, in negotiations, it is also about getting the best of your OP.

Know thus how to appreciate and tap your OP’s strengths and potential.

14.2.6 Point in Time and Phasing/Timing

The right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing.—Joshua Harris, I Kissed Dating Goodbye: A New Attitude Toward Relationships and Romance

Be aware and apply as well as capitalise the value of time, timing and phasing.

There is always the right time and timing, and there is also always the wrong time and timing. Anna Wintour once said that, “It’s always about timing. If it’s too soon, no one understands. If it’s too late, everyone’s forgotten”.

If one should ask for something, ensure that the time and timing is right and that the OP is receptive to one’s request and question(s). So, know when and where to ask question(s).

Know also that one needs to put time and information on one’s side with advanced preparation; and this is very helpful.

Know when to make and/or give concession(s). Attempt to find out the other party’s deadline. In most negotiations, one is better off if one knows one’s OP’s deadline. Note that as one nears her deadline, her stress level will increase and she will most likely make concessions.

Do realise that deadlines too can be moved, amended/changed or eliminated. As one’s deadline approaches, do not panic. Simply change the deadline.

Related to the value of time and timing is the next factor, that is, the value of pace and pacing.

14.2.7 Pace and Pacing

Every flower blooms at a different pace.—Suzy Kassem, Rise Up and Salute the Sun: The Writings of Suzy Kassem

There’s no advantage to hurrying through life.—Masashi Kishimoto

Normally, one paces with one’s prospects/customers and clients by showing them, especially prospects and potential customers that one has similarities as them (values, interests, etc.). One can also discuss similarities or common ground between potential customers and existing customers. Once one has paced with them, explain why one’s product or service is a natural next step.

During the negotiations, one needs to pace with one’s OP. One mirrors the OP’s body language and actions. Known as mirroring or the chameleon effect in that one starts to imitate the mannerisms of those around one and many times one does not even realise one is doing it. It is part of our tendency as a social being to adapt our behaviour to fit in with others. This works well in building relationships, which is a critical part of cooperative or collaborative negotiations.

Notice the pace of the OP, and if one feels pressurised, one can name the pace and ask for a breather or a break; this helps. One can, for example say, “Let’s slow down a minute and take a few steps back”. Ordinarily so, this puts one in the driver seat of the pace, for the time being anyway. One has a chance to rewind the last few interactions and redo them to honour one being responsive in ways that are jointly beneficial.

The skilled negotiator needs to pace him(her)self to make or give concessions. Note that because, for example most concessions and settlements take place in the last 20% of the available time, stay cool, detached or level-headed and wait for the right moment to act.

Don’t rush, but be patient.

One can also adjust the pace by asking for details. One can also change the pace to one’s liking by asking for clarifications and examples. Expressions such as, “Can you give me an example of that so I get a clearer picture of what you mean” can work well in asking for explanations. This adjusts the other person’s pace, gives one a chance to regain one’s cool and supplies the negotiator with more information.

14.2.8 Promises

Leaders who win the respect of others are the ones who deliver more than they promise, not the ones who promise more than they can deliver.—Mark A. Clement

It is easy to make promises—it is hard work to keep them.—Boris Johnson

Promises are also related to another P, that is one’s Principles which give one’s direction when negotiating.

Proverbs 16:20 spoke of, “Whoever gives heed to instruction prospers, and blessed is he who trusts in the Lord”. And Proverbs 25:9-10 pointed out that, “If you argue your case with a neighbor, do not betray another man’s confidence, or he who hears it may shame you and you will never lose your bad reputation”.

How true! And be a gentleman (lady) (Junzi, the Confucian term for a gentleman (lady).

Be the person people respect.

Keeping one’s promises is the key to any business. It is the key to success in any business. It also makes one stands tall. One’s character and integrity do matter a lot.

Do think through a promise before you make it. Be realistic and ensure that you make or implement it. Organise your resources, time and everything to ensure that your promise is fulfilled.

Overall, one needs to be professional enough to keep one’s promise; professionalism must be embraced and abided. [Here, in the modern world, there is also the professional ethics to consider or weigh; one of the earliest examples of professional ethics is probably the Hippocratic Oath to which medical doctors still adhere to this day. The code of ethics is very important for the professionals because it gives them the boundaries that they have to stay within in their professional practice and careers.]

14.2.9 Partnerships

Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much.—Helen Keller

If everyone is moving forward together, then success takes care of itself.—Henry Ford

Absolutely so, grow a partner and an alliance, and not an enemy. The achievements of a partnership or team can be greater than that of an individual. Two heads are better than one head.

Robert Kiyosaki once pointed out that, “Finding good partners is the key to success in anything: in business, in marriage and, especially, in investing”.

One should network and extend friendships and partnerships to OP (others). Think in this way, and think of every contact and connection that helps you. Cooperate and collaborate with others.

Indeed the OP should be regarded as a partner and not an adversary, an opponent or an enemy to be defeated.

One should build partnership(s) with the OP and others. Having the right business partners, spouses and associates can help one to succeed. Dig deep to appreciate the others/OP’s needs, interests, aspirations and values; know what makes them tick or be motivated.

One should also understand what the partners (and customers) value most in the negotiation(s).

Learn how to make decisions together and how to disagree or differ constructively; cherish each other’s position and viewpoints.

And whenever possible, we form a partnership, our goal should be to forge a plan that can make all parties, in fact, everybody rather rich, not just one party pretty rich. We should also go for strong partnerships and long-term ones.

14.2.10 Patience

Patience is power.

Patience is not an absence of action;

rather it is “timing”

it waits on the right time to act,

for the right principles

and in the right way.—Fulton J. Sheen

Patient persuasion can break down the strongest resistance and can even convince rulers.—Proverbs 25:15

Stay patient and trust the journey.—Anonymous

In the South Pacific and even in Asia, there is a common saying that “good things come to those who wait”. And generally speaking, in Asia, patience is a virtue, and impatience is seen as a minus factor, a demerit and a shortcoming. The Thais and the Indonesians, for example prefer people who are patient. And in the Chinese context, when one is impatient, it’s very much like pulling the seedling or plant to stretch it to grow; it may then die.

Short-fused, the impatient person may jump first and without thinking, (s)he starts snapping and barking at OP/others. Neither pleasant nor persuasive; an impatient person can be easily irritated, annoyed and become ill-tempered. The OP and others would not want to go near or like dealing with such an impatient, biting person or a negotiator.

A successful negotiator needs to acknowledge or affirm at some points during the negotiation process, there are times when negotiations reach a point when one has to know the talking and dealing with this person (the OP) is not going to happen (at this time), and one may need to look for and/or consider other alternatives. One really needs patience and boldness to meet the reality of the business/negotiation arena. Creativity, persistence or resilience, and patience are what differentiate the experts from the greenhorns.

Be aware that being cool, thinking calmly and willing to wait, a skilled negotiator is a patient person. Patience softens expectations; it allows growth, and it encourages flexibility.

Proverbs 14: 29 highlighted that, “A patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays folly”.

How can we find the patience?

A Chinese Proverb declares that “The person who removes a mountain begins by carrying away small stones”. Hence, expecting results too quickly and moving too fast will simply cause one to burnout.

Zen is patience; Buddhism is patience too. I am no saint too; I can be easily annoyed yet we need to practise patience. Be patient. Keep on practising. Every time a situation stretches your patience to dangerous thinly level, just think of it as an opportunity to practise your lack of complaint and patience. Because that’s what it takes to become patient—apply, apply, more practice and even more practice. And then apply some more. And the more you apply, the better you will get. So value these wonderful opportunities to practice.

Nothing good happens immediately. If one expects things to happen at the snap of one’s fingers, one’ll get impatient every time. Instead, realise that things will take time, and this understanding and awareness can help one’s patience tremendously.

Sometimes we need to remind ourselves that no one is perfect, that we should be enjoying this time with our loved ones, and that life should be fun—and funny. Smile, laugh, be happy. Doesn’t always work, but it’s good to remind yourself of this now and then.

Just be compassionate. Instead of reacting with anger, teach yourself to react with compassion, call it Zen, Buddhism, Confucian or whatever one wants to call it. One’s toddler spills something or has a messy room or breaks one’s family heirloom? One’s spouse shouts at one or is grouchy after work? Respond with compassion. It is the best answer or solution.

And patience really helps when one negotiates, and time can be a double-edged sword. Time becomes one’s ally. One can use time to pressure or allow the OP the opportunity and time to play with and decide. Patience allows time for the OP to take otherwise tough choices.

When one gives something away too easily it seems to be of low value. And time can then be one’s enemy; when one is impatient; one may want things to be done quickly. Yet a quick solution can be a bad solution. And (one’s) patience can then be one’s weapon.

Interestingly, the successful negotiator can decide to apply time as cooperative or competitive tool(s) depending on the outcome (s)he chooses to have. Deadlines (as competitive tools) force concessions.

Patience, in this author’s view, also teaches us to be long-term in orientation, and this leads us to…

14.2.11 Personality

Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it.—Bruce Lee

Your surroundings may change but your essence and your personality pretty much stay the same.—Jenna Dewan

Do consider the personality of the OP as well as that of yours. Do they match?

“If they match they are likely to be able to get along well; there is chemistry between them” (one respondent’s inputs). Psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, the late Carl Gustav Jung spoke of, “The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed”.

It is interesting to note that inclusiveness is better than exclusiveness. The more similar the personality of your OP with that of yours, the better it is; and most of us like people who are like ourselves.

It is said that peace, understanding and harmony requires and needs all parties or in fact, everyone to be in the group or circle—that is, there is wholeness, inclusion. And everyone achieves something and is thus happy or satisfied.

14.2.12 Perseverance

Someone is sitting in the shade today because someone planted a tree a long time ago.—Warren Buffet

Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.—Winston Churchill

It is said that “Sai Weng [legendary old man’s name] lost horse, how know not blessing.” Blessings come in disguise. According to the book “Huainanzi—Lessons of the Human World”, an old man living in a border region lost his horse and people came to comfort him. However, he said, “This may be a blessing in disguise, who knows?” Certainly so, the horse later returned to the man and brought him a better horse.

Be resilient, and live a life of no regrets, no limits, and no excuses.

There’s pain but pain shows that one is very much alive. One must indulge in self-pitying.

And never give up. Never say die.

And Sun Yat-Sen once said that, “The key to success is action, and the essential in action is perseverance.”

Do not be discouraged if the OP stalls or walks out of the negotiation—in most cases, agreement is reached eventually with some skills, patience, perseverance and process.

And concerned, yes; the skilled negotiator should not and does not worry; he is more of a warrior than a worrier. Corrie ten Boom once highlighted that, “Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, it empties today of its strength”.

And Dwight D. Eisenhower added that, “‘Worry’ is a word that I don’t allow myself to use”. And here, Low (2004, p. 27) explained, “Worry is an emotional reaction that is stressing, it saps energy. It is also problem orientated. Concern, on the other hand, is a rational and constructive process. It is solution-centred. If you can, you just fix it. We calmly work things out and devise solutions. You don’t worry about things you can do something about”.

The skilled negotiator perseveres; (s)he pursues. And (s)he gets it.

14.2.13 Prosper-Thy-Neighbour(s)

You need collaboration of its people; it’s the to improve a company—can you ignore that? You need a win-win for every sub-group, which will ensure only way exponential growth for a company.—Eliyahu Goldratt

It is a win–win for all; everyone wins or gains.

John F. Kennedy [UN speech, 25 September, 1961] once highlighted that, “If there is negotiation, it must be rooted in mutual respect and concern for the rights of others”.

And J. Paul Getty pointed out that, “You must never try to make all the money that’s in a deal. Let the other fellow make some money too, because if you have a reputation for always making all the money, you won’t have many deals”.

And we must say “YES” to a win–win (“Each party should gain from the negotiation”; Dale Carnegie) attitude, and not a “I lose-You lose”/“I win-You-lose” one.

And this also includes giving charity or simply doing something for your own community and the world in general. There is certainly a need for us to be integrated with communities and industries and the world as a whole.

And indeed all of us need to take care of nature and the environment and the world as a whole—whatever, wherever and whenever possible.

14.2.14 Perspectives and Be Aware of Multicultural Sensitivities

A multicultural society does not reject the culture of the other but is prepared to listen, to see, to dialogue and, in the final analysis, to possibly accept the other’s culture without compromising its own.—Reuven Rivlin

There is no right or wrong in a culture. It is just that one needs to know what is sweet in one’s culture may be bitter or sour in another’s culture. In other words, do be sensitive and find out more on what are likes and dislikes in the OP’s culture to relate well with the OP.

One needs to see different perspectives and see what the OP sees; be aware of their multicultural sensitivities, understandings and interests.

Each of us sees the world through our own cultural visor.

Stop and attempt a new perspective as Mary Anne Radmacher once said, “Just stop it. Seriously. Whatever it is. Just stop it. If only for an hour, a day, a week. Stop doing it long enough to get a glimpse of what the change would actually look like”.

Aye, try a new perspective that is, one should see and appreciate the OP’s cultural realities; and one should truly be sensitive to the OP’s cultural realities.

14.2.15 Process of Negotiation

The thief that is not caught is a king.—Indian saying

Price is what you pay, value is what you get.—Warren Buffet

In business, one does not get what one deserves, but one gets what one negotiates. And successful negotiators attend well to the process of negotiation including its planning and essential preparations.

“Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else have your way.” (Sir David Frost). One must certainly be a process-smart negotiator. Yes, attend to process. Give process.

Blasingame (2014), for example spoke of, “Conducting a negotiation is more like running a marathon than a sprint-it takes time and involves multiple steps. By accepting this reality you’ll set yourself up to be more patient and, therefore, more effective”.

And normally, note and be aware of Leonardo da Vinci’s (italics, author’s words) wise words here, “It is easier to resist at the beginning than at the end (of the negotiation)”.

Next, ask: What do you do during the pre-negotiation process? What preparations do you have to make during the pre-negotiation stage?

In the preparation process, the successful negotiator should also know the people with whom the negotiation is to take place. An understanding of the OP’s objectives, roles and the issues likely to be raised by them will make easy better dealing with the situation during the process of negotiation.

Note that rapport and relationship-building are very important to build trust between the two negotiation parties. And it is certainly useful to create a rapport with the OP during the early stages, that is before the bargaining process starts. One can then assess and determine early on how cooperative the OP is going to be.

Take care of these steps: the openings (How one opens the negotiation) and the techniques and tactics deployed as well as the closings of negotiation. Open well and close well. Close with actions and follow-up.

And during the negotiations, be aware of your voice, articulation/annunciation and tone as well as your body language. Tell yourself: I’ll put enthusiasm in my voice, give a smile, make more smiles and put a twinkle in my eye.

Argument need not be heated or fiery; it can be interspersed with courteous smiles or sympathetic tears. It is also said that talking with a grin creates a higher frequency of sound in your mouth. It changes the tone of your voice and provides reassurance to the listener.

People may not only hear your words but they also feel and sense your body language.

And yes, during the negotiations, if you need something from somebody always give that person a chance or a way to hand it to you.

Note Christopher Voss’s words, yet another example of the negotiation process that matters; Voss highlighted that, “Consider this: Whenever someone is bothering you, and they just won’t let up, and they won’t listen to anything you have to say, what do you tell them to get them to shut up and go away? ‘You’re right.’ It works every time. But you haven’t agreed to their position. You have used ‘you’re right’ to get them to quit bothering you”.

Included in the Process of Negotiation is the next section on…

14.2.16 Post-Negotiation

Relationships are not formed but forged.—John Maxwell

Opportunity did not knock until I built a door.—Proverb

Most people forget about this negotiation stage. But it is critical to pay particular attention to the stage after all the negotiation meetings, and the agreement(s) signed—that is, the post-negotiation stage and process. Ask yourself these: What should you, in fact, do during the post-negotiation process? What must be done during this stage?

Must relationships be built and fostered?

Future opportunities to make a deal with the OP did not exist or appeared to be naught until I followed up, fostered good relationships with the OP and, last month, contacted and talked to him over the past weeks; we were then all set up and last evening, how lovely! We just signed a contract.

Note that certainly, this post-negotiation process is an important process; Leigh Steinberg highlighted that, “The only thing certain about any negotiation is that it will lead to another negotiation”. Note that the post-negotiation stage is also the pre-negotiation stage of your next negotiation.

And the process of negotiation is an ongoing process. One follows up, relates with the OP, ensures commitment of both parties, and prepares for the next negotiation.

14.2.17 Positive Thinking

Instead of worrying about what you cannot control, shift your energy to what you can create.—Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart

Attitude is a choice. Happiness is a choice. Optimism is a choice. Kindness is a choice. Giving is a choice. Respect is a choice. Whatever choice you make makes you. Choose wisely.—Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart

Life is a mixed tape. And we want to be positive to attain more and grow.

When we are positive, to this author, indeed everything goes and grows. It opens new paths, and new options.

No one likes to go near a negative-thinking person; the unpersuasive pessimist can be very unattractive. One does not get good feelings when dealing with a pessimist. Instead of framing in a positive way such as asking, “I take it that you have filed the Salzberg Project application”, the negative-thinking manager would ask: “You have not filed the Salzberg Project application, right?” (Or “You have not done the Salzberg Project papers”.)

To paraphrase Art Linkletter’s words, just smiling goes a long way toward making you feel better about negotiations and life. And when you feel better about negotiations and life, your life is better. The successful persuader is often an optimist; (s)he is positive-minded.

Sales, making deals, closing sales and sealing contracts can be challenging processes. Successful negotiators are focused and single-minded in their mission as well as to their vision and values. They are not easily derailed or cowed by their short-term failures ad setbacks in their quest for sales/deals success.

Be positive too of one’s negotiations. Factor in one’s negotiation strengths. Count one’s blessings and what have gone right during the discussions. Even if one does not do well today, there’s always tomorrow. Reflect on one’s actions, behaviours, things done and things that can be improved upon—there’s always tomorrow and see what one can do in tomorrow’s negotiations.

Be positive of one’s OP (team); “life becomes easier and more beautiful when we can see the good in other people” [as highlighted by Roy T. Bennett, the late author and chairman of the Ohio Republican Party (USA)].

One can be very open-minded and share information with one’s OP. And this is very positive.

And note that openness entails sharing a great deal of information about what one would like to get and achieve with the particular negotiation. There can also be exchanges of information and reciprocity. And this can help build the trust between the two negotiation parties with each being positive about dealing with the other party.

Note that all negotiations may not turn or work out the way one wants. As long as one puts one’s best effort forward, whatever is meant to be will be. There will be other opportunities coming one’s way and one needs to be ready to welcome and accept them.

14.2.18 Practice

Only when the tide goes out do you discover who’s been swimming naked.—Warren Buffet

So much of life is a negotiation—so even if you’re not in business, you have opportunities to practice all around you.—Kevin O’Leary

This author likes the saying by Will Smith, the actor once said, “I’ve always considered myself to be just average talent and what I have is a ridiculous insane obsessiveness for practice and preparation”. Yes, please underscore the word “practice” (“practise”; UK English).

And here it is also good to cite the wisdom of Mahatma Gandhi; he said, “An ounce of practice is worth more than tons of preaching”. One should practise, practise and practise. One can also study, rehearse, review and prepare the key issues before the real negotiations.

To Pele, the footballer, “everything is practice”. And one discovers/uncovers insights, and gains experiences.

Mark Cuban, an American businessman and investor once said that, “I still work hard to know my business. I’m continuously looking for ways to improve all my companies”.

This author also loves this quote by Al Paison, CEO of the Loyalty Research Center, “If you’re not benchmarking your performance against your competitors, you’re just playing with yourself”.

And surely, on your own, do continue to benchmark, compare and copy; learn and innovate.

Ensure your own mind growth. Learn the best negotiation practices, and apply them where and when one can.

Keep on learning; and keep it alive. Adopt continuous learning ways, and keep on improving.

14.2.19 People Skills

The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood.—Ralph Nichols

The less you speak, the more you will hear.—Alexander Solshenitsen

Be aware that while the person one is dealing with may have the authority to do the deal, someone will nonetheless be judging them by the outcome. Attempt to identify everyone who may have some say in the deal both on one’s side and OP’s. Understand everyone’s needs and expectations. And do so before the negotiations begin. One will have a better opportunity to moderate unreasonable expectations if one can address them early.

Surely so, often one negotiates with people NOT corporations, companies, Government or Non-Government Organisations (NGOs). It is people who make up these bodies and organisations.

What are the people skills that a successful negotiator must have?

A successful negotiator wins the hearts of his (her) OP/people. From him (her) comes a sincere smile. When successful negotiators say “thanks” or “thank-you”, they give the pleasure that the word means by explaining why they are thankful or grateful. They give every thank-you a little padding; big smiles are always their reward.

(S)he makes others or better still everyone feels special. (S)he spreads sunshine wherever (s)he goes; as the successful negotiator goes throughout his (her) day, (s)he miraculously transforms non-people or ordinary people into VIPs with an extra moment of eye contact. (S)he gives the OP/others the baker’s dozen, extra touch/service/support or at least the feel-good/top-of-the-world feeling. In an eye blink, (s)he changes the encounter from ordinary business-as-usual into a special one. At the end of the day, the twinkles in his (her) smiling eyes will probably have added up to less than one minute. But it makes a world of difference in how OP/people respond to the successful negotiators.

A skilled negotiator should be people-orientated and also be a people-magnet, caring for his(her) relationships with others. In this light, Rasheed Ogunlaru, a life coach, speaker and author spoke of, “Be genuinely interested in everyone you meet and everyone you meet will be genuinely interested in you”.

Low (2014, p. 176) highlighted that one should not be exclusive; non-successful leaders and negotiators are cut off from their people. They have no rapport or connections with their people; often, they cannot relate well with their people. It is truly worthy to note that people are indeed happy when they realize their interconnectedness with others (Lonely Planet 2011, p. 125), particularly so, with their leaders.

A good negotiator must certainly be good in people skills; they interact well with others. “People frequently point to communication as a problem, because it’s easy to notice, but usually it is a symptom of an underlying problem with a relationship posture.” (Roberta Gilbert, Extraordinary Relationships).

People skills are so important in negotiations. One should also love or at least, like people. The key thing to remember is to make friends, be genuinely interested in them and their life.

And most times, it is not what you say—it is how you say it. By presenting one case in the right light, one stands to gain much more from any negotiation. Approaching a negotiation nervously, belligerently or in a scared way gives the OP the advantage. Keep cool, and be calm, civil, and direct.

How do you relate with your OP (others)?

We should not run down or discourage others; instead we need to be encouragers too. Joyce Meyer spoke of, “improv(ing) our relationships with others by leaps and bounds if we become encouragers instead of critics”. And Richard M. DeVos added that, “Positive thinking and encouragement are essential for leadership and progress.”

And with a good sense of humour and open demeanour, and being a good listener, one can go a long way to realise a successful negotiation.

After some period of non-contact, do you stay in touch with your friends, associates and contacts?

Do you also send them an email? Do you call to say, “Hello”? Do you send a birthday card on your OP’s (people’s) birthday? Do you say a “Thank-you” or send card to show appreciation to your OP (people)?

Note that the whole idea of being a people person is to add some sweetness in our dealings with others so that the OP/others feel good while they do things for us.

14.2.20 Power of Relationships

If you would be loved, love, and be loveable.—Benjamin Franklin

No road is long with good company.—Turkish proverb

These days, “the biggest disease today is not leprosy or tuberculosis, but rather the feeling of being unwanted, uncared for, and deserted by everybody”—as said by the late Mother Teresa.

One should thus truly be aware and apply the power of relationships. Indeed the power of relationships needs to be embraced, enforced and engulfed.

Relationships are a big part of being happy at work. Whether one’s job is demanding or mundane, one is more likely to feel fulfilled if one regularly spends time with OP/colleagues and others who support one and help one create a sense of purpose.

So, on one hand, at the heart of life rests the relationships we have with others and people with family, co-workers and friends close by and far away at the other side of the world. And how one allows these relationships flow, grow and flourish has an enormous effect on the happiness both in one’s life and in the lives of the people one cares about.

Think of all your happy moments; I bet you they are all with your loved ones; you are with someone, sharing something with them and cherishing the moments with them.

And on the other hand, people are lonely, grumpy, irritable and/or sometimes unhappy because they build walls and barriers instead of bridges. They don’t connect and/or relate well with others.

Do you connect and relate with people easily? Do you connect and relate with your business associates/people easily?

Interestingly, “each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born” (Anais Nin). And we create, share and enjoy many worlds by the many friends we make. And more so, as a Swedish proverb says that, “shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow”.

Sunil Mittal, an Indian billionaire entrepreneur, philanthropist and the founder and chair of Bharti Enterprises, highlighted this, “For me, relationship is very important. I can lose money, but I cannot lose a relationship. The test is, at the end of a conversation or a negotiation, both must smile”.

Overall, a person’s ability to communicate, connect and relate with others while at work, when negotiating with others and/or at any time will make him or her happier. It will help him (her) build a sense of community and gain the support of others when (s)he needs it.

14.2.21 People Involvement

Without involvement, there is no commitment. Mark it down, asterisk it, circle it, underline it. No involvement, no commitment.—Stephen Covey

The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved; the pig is committed.—Martina Navratilova

To persuasive and be in touch with the OP (your people)—practising in-touch leadership, one indeed needs to involve one’s OP (people).

We need to ask ourselves, and indeed ACT on:

How can I involve and engage my people and persuade them? How can I get rid of rules to persuade them more to me as a leader rather than as a manager?

How can I learn to love my OP (people)? How can I involve my OP (people)?

In what ways can I build my OP’s (people’s) confidence?

How and in what ways can I build excellence through my OP (people)?

I would not pretend here; I would put it that I have no answers, but here, it is more for you to think through and act to persuade your OP (people) to your message(s) and to you.

And yes, if you want to engage your people, make it convenient and easy for them to be engaged and/or involved. Singapore’s Land Transport Authority (circa August 2019), for example engage its citizens/motorists to report errant (e-scooter) riders via My Transport.SG; and what they need to do is to Spot (these errant riders), Snap (a photo through their hand-phones, a modern convenience) and Send (the photo via What’sApp to its website), and that’s it.

14.2.22 Pro-activeness

The best way to not feel hopeless is to get up and do something. Don’t wait for good things to happen to you. If you go out and make some good things happen, you will fill the world with hope, you will fill yourself with hope.—Barack Obama

Better light a candle than curse the darkness.—Buddha

A person is Heaven and Earth in a miniature, as the Chinese saying goes: Do act and be proactive (Low 2013, 2018, Chap. 18).

To this author, one needs to always do something about it.

One must put in some effort, a personal touch or some extra care. One simply needs to add value (a little something) to it, be a relationship, a product or a transaction. When, for example one smiles and gives a bow when saying “thank you”, that is a value-added way of saying “thank-you” to the OP or others.

Always keep one’s eyes and ears and seek out opportunities. When reading the newspapers and business magazines, scan for opportunities in the news.

All the formulae for success in negotiations and sales always point to pro-activeness and hard work.

Sales are a number game; and one must be prepared to out in extra efforts and work hard. The more people one talks to, the more people know of one’s existence and the products and services one provides, the higher the chances of one’s success in sales (and business negotiations).

14.2.23 Power

Recognising power in another does not diminish your own.—Joss Whedon

Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren’t.—Margaret Thatcher

One, one must control or have the power to control one’s emotions. Be the master of one’s emotions.

The late Og Mandino once said,

If I feel depressed I will sing.

If I feel sad I will laugh.

If I feel ill I will double my labor.

If I feel fear I will plunge ahead.

If I feel inferior I will wear new garments.

If I feel uncertain I will raise my voice.

If I feel poverty I will think of wealth to come.

If I feel incompetent I will think of past success.

If I feel insignificant I will remember my goals.

Today I will be the master of my emotions.

Two, think POWER and one will be POWERFUL. Three, do realise that POWER is a perception. Four, Power comes in hard power and soft power.

Dolly Parton, the country singer once said, “I walk tall; I got a tall attitude”. You can be powerful if you have a Powerful attitude.

Surely so, be powerful. Think, feel and act POWERFUL.

Power is what you perceive; it’s your perception.

If you think you have the power, then you have it. If you think you don’t have the power, then you don’t have it.

And if you think your OP has more power than you, and then it is. If you think your OP doesn’t have that much power, then it is.

When one speaks of power, one should bear in mind that power comes in the form of hard and soft power. When negotiating, the successful negotiator realise that there’s hard power, using force and coercion. And there is also soft power. Leo F. Buscaglia, also known as “Dr. Love”, an American author and motivational speaker, and a professor in the Department of Special Education at the University of Southern California, once spoke of, “Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around”.

Yet there is also a combination, a mixed tape or an interplay of hard and soft power. Or the fact that the successful negotiator too realises that (s)he needs to be flexible.

One African proverb goes like this, “The tree breaks that takes all the force of the wind”. The successful negotiator may thus apply hard power or soft power or simply retreat to come back another day. Whatever it is, (s)he needs to look at the negotiation situation/context, and his (her) goals and apply accordingly.

14.2.24 Ploys

The Brer Rabbit ploy has been quite effective for me. When a country is talking about prosecuting me, I demand to be charged and put on trial and offer to pay my own airfare. They know that I’m going to bring a lot of international media with me and put their whaling programme on trial, and they decide it’s better to keep quiet and do nothing.—Paul Watson

Sit on a mountain to watch tigers fighting among themselves (meaning, a situation where a person is in a safe position while others are fighting for their survival.)—Chinese proverb

Based on the above proverb, it follows that a third nation can observe, sit down and watch the two “countries”, say the People’s Republic of China and Taiwan squabbling with each other.

Of ploys, one should indeed know the strategies, tactics and manoeuvres of one’s OP and that of one’s side too. One can get the better of one’s competitors by plotting to disrupt, dissuade, calm, discourage, pacify or otherwise influence them, and these can be part of a strategy. This is where strategy can be a ploy, as well as a plan. A pharmaceutical chain might, for example threaten to expand a store so that a competitor does not move into the same neighbourhood area; or a software company might buy up patents that a competitor could potentially use to launch a rival product.

A ploy can be described as a cunning plan or action intended and devised to turn a situation to one’s own advantage. Ploys are normally used to increase the power of the negotiator vis-à-vis the power of the OP. Or it is used to decrease the power of the OP versus that of the negotiator. Basically, ploys are used by one can also get OP and others to make up their mind to take action. Badly used they can trick people into doing things that they should never do.

Some ploys can be wise, ingenious and resourceful. “Say to wisdom, ‘You are my sister (i.e. part of your family)’, and call understanding your kinsman” (Proverbs 7:4).

Some other ploys are sometimes applied to cause a mix-up, confusion or to confuse one thing for another. The Chinese saying, “Put one person’s hat on another’s head” is apt to describe such a situation trigger by such a ploy.

The whole thing about ploy(s) is to see or determine what is real and what is feigned, unaffected and harmless on the part of the OP’s and what genuinely and seriously affects the OP in terms of one’s ploy(s).

Then again, some people would think that ploys are just to get things done, and there is nothing right or wrong, it’s only thinking that makes it so.

All in all, as a successful negotiator, one needs to understand ploys/tactics, how they can be used for everyone’s advantage, how you can spot them and how to flush them out.

14.2.25 Probe

Don’t give people what they want, give them what they need.—Joss Whedon

It’s never overreacting to ask for what you want and need.—Amy Poehler

One of the greatest stumbling blocks faced by negotiators is to clearly understand the real issues involved as the root cause and basis for negotiation in the first place. Now this is where there is a real need to probe and find out further on the needs of the OP. All too many times, negotiators take little time to clearly identify the needs of the OP and the problem itself.

Always probe and find out the needs of the Other Party (OP). One needs to ensure that one can answer to the OP’s needs in terms of his or her “What’s In It For Me?” (“WIIFM”).

One can know and understand more of the OP’s when one asks.

One can also (more) open questions as well as one actively listens. And when one understands the OP better when one listens deeply.

Harroch (2016) pointed out that “The best negotiators tend to be the ones who truly listen to the other side, understand their key issues and hot buttons, and then formulate an appropriate response. Try to gain an understanding about what is important to the other side, what limitations they may have, and where they may have flexibility. Refrain from talking too much”.

14.2.26 Protection of Your Organisation’s Interests

When you’re surrounded by people who share a passionate commitment around a common purpose, anything is possible.—Howard Schultz, Starbucks

Have a checklist of your Organisation’s needs and interests to be protected.

Successful negotiation is easily attainable when one knows how. One of the pathways to achieving negotiation success is to ensure that the organisation’s interests are protected. A successful negotiator always protect the interests of his (her) organisation; (s)he ensures that the needs of the organisation (such as, for example quality specs, budget requirements, manpower needs) are fulfilled and met at the end of the day.

Derek Jetter, an American former professional baseball shortstop, businessman and baseball executive, once said that, one needs to be “surround(ed…) with good people. People… are going to be honest with you and (they) look out for your best interests”.

14.2.27 Philosophies

The life of man (in a state of nature) is solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short.—Thomas Hobbes

The unexamined life is not worth living.—Socrates

Every one of us holds a set of principles or philosophies when dealing with others in terms of negotiating with them.

Some may have competitive ideas when negotiating with others yet others may hold cooperative principles when dealing with people. The former may have a preference for competitive ways such as “I win, You lose” or “If I do not win, I don’t mind you do not win too”/“You lose, I lose”. Here, the competitive negotiator may want to “clobber, whack and squeeze them”, hide information from the OP, and prefer to “tell” or “have it my way!”.

On the other hand, the cooperative negotiator may prefer to have cooperative ways such as sharing ideas, exchanging information and working together.

So what type of negotiator are you? Are you the competitive negotiator? Or are you the cooperative negotiator?

14.2.28 Pliable

Flexibility not every situation is covered in the training manual.—Anonymous

I don’t think of myself as unbreakable. Perhaps I’m just rather flexible and adaptable.—Aung San Suu Kyi

The trick is: When negotiating, one should not be rigid or inflexible. Instead one needs to be flexible.

We need to be flexible; the analogy here is that if a person can use both of her hands—the left and the right, she can really be better; and do more things with both of her hands. And why not?

In martial arts, the late Bruce Lee spoke of “be (like) water”, meaning that (there is) the need for strategies to be flexible. To this author, flexibility is crucial to one’s negotiation fitness. One must also adopt style flexibility to be more effective when negotiating. One should not just adopt one way or fixed ways, but rather have a potpourri or a variety of ways, methods and numerous styles.

When faced with a disagreement, one is going to have to be willing to offer or suggest possible strategies, compromises and settlements. What this is going to show the OP is that one is open to working with them to finding ways to solve the problems and hiccups that one is presently facing. Having the ability to do this will show the OP that one knows what one is doing when it comes to this negotiating stuff.

Instead of seeing being flexible as making one weaker in a negotiation, one needs to take a contrary approach and see inflexibility as rendering one weaker. Those negotiators who are inflexible or rigid will never be able to reach the kind of deals that they want. The inability to change will endlessly keep them from attaining the ultimate goal that all of us have in each and every negotiation that we involve in.

The goal of both parties when they enter into their next negotiation should be to be as supple as possible. Negotiators need to always have an open mind and be willing to consider new ideas and new ways of finding solutions. Find a way to be flexible and one will be able to create the deals that one wants to be able to reach.

In REALTORMag, M.D. Tracey (https://www.enlightenednegotiation.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/REARTICLE.pdf) also spoke of flexibility in his article:

Flexibility: There is more than one way to reach the goal of buying or selling a home. “Don’t get stuck in one way of reaching the goal”, Nazari says. “Creativity is essential”. Consider alternatives that can satisfy your clients’ needs and still reach the goal of selling the home.

For example, Nazari recalls a situation where a seller couldn’t afford to go down on the price any more on the property, particularly since she was going to have to vacate the home earlier than anticipated and find a short-term rental until she could move into her new home. However, the buyer, who genuinely wanted the property, was qualified for a certain loan amount and couldn’t afford to pay any more for the home. The deal was locked on price and neither side could afford to budge.

In order to make it to closing, Nazari helped to negotiate a deal where the seller would be able to stay in the property for up to two months rent free, which then would help her save nearly $5,000 in moving costs and allow her to meet the buyer’s sale price. A little flexibility on the part of both sides helped the transaction make it to closing.

14.2.29 Paperwork

I have so much paperwork. I’m afraid my paperwork has paperwork.—Gabrielle Zevin, Elsewhere

Have it in black and white; have proofs and evidences.

Paperwork is a necessary evil, but it can be an angel, and one can make full use of it.

Business negotiations involve contracts, which mean legal documents that must be understood and agreed to by both parties. If buyer and seller agree on the final price and condition, the final purchasing agreement is signed by both parties. Contracts also make it binding for parties to be committed, and follow-up.

Records must be kept. And the paperwork can be essential records, accounts, minutes of meetings, descriptions and histories. These essential records are often needed to be maintained; and one does not have to waste time and efforts looking for something vital when needed.

14.2.30 Policing or Controlling

Control your own Destiny or somebody else will.—Jack Welch, Jack: Straight from the Gut

Laws control the lesser man; right conduct controls the greater one.—Proverb

When I’m acting, I’m two beings. There’s the one monitoring the distance between myself and the camera, making sure I hit my marks, and there is the one driven by this inner fire, this delicious fear.—Gabrielle Zevin, Elsewhere

After the signing of the agreement, a need for policing and monitoring exists to ensure that the terms and conditions of what’s agreed and written on paper are followed up in actions and implementations.

All of us need to ensure that the actions are carried out according to the goals and plans; there should be continuous monitoring.

The relationships between the two parties too need to be built and nurtured.

After the deals and agreements signed, banks have to follow-up on the term loans and other loans so that they do not turn out to be soured. Factory visits are to be made, with checks on the clients’ sales and profits; and with safeguards that loans payments are well-scheduled and duly paid. Steps need to be ensured to build the relationships so that the banks and the bank managers are on the ground, knowing their clients and their needs as well as reading and sensing their financial situation well. And that the banks and its managers should actually take continuation steps and further measures to allow the clients’ proper arranged loan (re)payments, not moving towards the client companies’ bad loans-recovery stage and their liquidation.

14.2.31 Peaking

Persistence, perseverance, and continuous improvement are the ingredients for forming a successful person.—Debasish Mridha

Learning is not compulsory; it’s voluntary. Improvement is not compulsory; it’s voluntary. But to survive, we must learn.—W. Edwards Deming

Remember Lao Tzu’s exhortation, “The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step”. Small and consistent steps are the keys to one’s great achievement whether in negotiations or in any field.

It is worthy to highlight what Robert Collier once said, that is “Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day-in and day-out”. And to this author, there’s always room for improvement, and one can always improve oneself.

“Peaking” is that one is always about to reach the peak and yet one puts in efforts; the peak is never reached. Life’s a journey without an end; it’s an ongoing process.

It’s about continuous improvement (Low 2013, 2018, Chap. 18) or what the Japanese called “Kaizen”. Keep on moving. And one keeps on learning, growing and improving; there’s mind growth. Mini or small improvements eventually results in advantageous gains.

Make it one’s goal to better each and every day; never stop investing in ourselves.

14.2.32 Perceptions

Our understanding is correlative to our perception.—Robert Delaunay

There are things known and there are things unknown, and in between are the doors of perception.—Aldous Huxley

Thomas Carlyle, Scottish philosopher, historian and essayist, pointed out that, “The eye sees what it brings the power to see.”

And C.S. Lewis in The Magician’s Nephew spoke of, “What you see and what you hear depends a great deal on where you are standing. It also depends on what sort of person you are”. Whatever the case may be, one just has to make full use of all of one’s senses, perceptions and insights.

Understand oneself more; and know and understand the OP more.

Be aware of one’s moods, attitudes and dispositions, and that of the OP’s. And be self-disciplined to be patient and be cool and calm.

Look, observe and sense the OP, OP’s body language and the surroundings/settings. Listen and listen deep.

14.2.33 Problem-Solving

There’s no use talking about the problem unless you talk about the solution.—Betty Williams

Well, if it can be thought, it can be done, a problem can be overcome.—E.A. Bucchianeri, Brushstrokes of a Gadfly

A problem well put is half solved.—John Dewey

One needs to take a problem-solving perspective, and one that promotes mind growth (remember mindset is rigid and limited while mind growth is learning, expanding and flexible) to negotiations; negotiation then becomes a problem-solving dialogue. The negotiation parties too can get creative, and allow their ideas to grow and resolve problem(s).

It is important that when identifying possible solutions, one needs to know how to communicate the problem to others, and work with the OP/others. One will also need to know what communication channels are the most appropriate when negotiating, persuading others and seeking assistance. Once one finds a solution, communicating it clearly will help reduce any confusion and make implementing a solution easier.

No one can negotiate until they understand the situation. Chiefly, there is a problem to be solved that involves getting two or more people to agree, decide and settle on something. Negotiation is a collaborative problem-solving discussion among the parties involved. Bargaining and discussing, both parties attempt to find solution(s) to resolve the problem.

To paraphrase Tony Robbins, every problem is a gift. Without them, the parties’ relationships and understanding of each other wouldn’t grow.

A problem-solving approach to negotiations displays open-mindedness to one’s prospects and clients, which increases the chances of reaching a mutually acceptable solution(s). It is said that the ability to resolve or unravel problems, manage conflict(s), and carry on the relationships leads to more deals and contracts.

14.2.34 Perpetual Succour

Prayer is perpetual rejuvenate force.—Lailah Gifty Akita

Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better.—Albert Einstein

Sometimes, one may just curse or swear—%$#@*—as if there is NO POWER BEYOND ourselves; what you see is what you get. And what is visible is more important than the “invisible” (Fig. 14.2).

Fig. 14.2

Highlights the importance of going beyond the visible, and that we are not alone… miracles happen

However, there’s POWER BEYOND self. When one is afraid of the negotiation problem, barrier of even the OP him(her)self, one would think that the giant or negotiation “barrier” is never bigger than God or the Supreme Being inside oneself.

Have faith and believe in prayers. Prayers and praying (meditation) mean one is not alone. One is with help, tools, supports, aids and resources, and the Universe or Absolute Reality is with one.

Believe in the Supreme Being larger than you and life, go beyond the visible, perhaps you do not understand; you don’t have to. Believe that you are not alone, and that there are miracles in all of life; they happen!

Rightly so, Jonathan Lockwood Huie, the author and management consultant, pointed out that, “The antidotes for worry are gratitude, action, service, and faith”. The Christians would say these,

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want…

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil (nothing): for thou art with me”—Psalm 23 (bold; author’s word and emphasis)

14.2.35 Peace

I like to think of sales as the ability to gracefully persuade, not manipulate, a person or persons into a win-win situation.—Bo Bennett

Peace brings with it so many positive emotions that it is worth aiming for in all circumstances.—Estella Eliot

Harmony is stressed in many Asian philosophies. Confucianism and Taoism value compassion, peace and harmony. The Dalai Lama once said, “Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace”.

To reword the wisdom of Bernie Siegel that love and peace of mind do protect us. They allow us to overcome the (negotiation) problems (or challenges) that life hands us. They teach us to survive… to live now… to have the courage to confront each day.

Truly so, one should process and (re)train one’s mind to attain peace. The late Wayne W. Dyer once said, “Peace is the result of retraining your mind to process life as it is, rather than as you think it should be”.

Peace (The Dalai Lama once said, “World peace begins with inner peace”) starts with oneself, and one then extends to one’s OP and others. [Here, Linda Evans spoke of, “If there’s no inner peace, people can’t give it to you. The husband can’t give it to you. Your children can’t give it to you. You have to give it to you”.]

Author Eleanor B. Stock once said that, “Goodwill is no easy symbol of good wishes. It is an immeasurable and tremendous energy, the atomic energy of the spirit”. Rather than malice or nastiness, all of us need to build much helpfulness and goodwill with the people around us, both near and afar. Goodwill, although take years to be built upon, can be easily dashed by tactless, careless words uttered.

Everyone wins in negotiations when peace and harmony are valued. And indeed “peace is its own reward” (Mahatma Gandhi). And “We don’t realise that, somewhere within us all, there does exist a supreme self who is eternally at peace.” (Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love).

Negotiations do not have to have fistfights or (hostile) wars. In fact, the more successful negotiations occur when both parties find a way to win. Win–win is always superior and healthier than lose–lose.

For win–win to take place, the negotiation outcome would result in peace. And all parties in the negotiation also grow in the relationships with each other.

What then drives success in peaceful negotiations?

First of all, peace must be valued and cherished; a win–win for all parties must be achieved, and next, there should also be clear and attainable mandates. There is also a good understanding by each party of the other’s needs and interests. Additionally, there should also be commitment from all parties involved. And during the process, good and/or thorough communication must also prevail, leading to increased understanding of each other by all parties involved.

14.2.36 Persuasion

In making a speech one must study three points: first, the means of producing persuasion; second, the language; third the proper arrangement of the various parts of the speech.—Aristotle

There are good leaders who actively guide and bad leaders who actively misguide. Hence, leadership is about persuasion, presentation and people skills.—Shiv Khera

This author holds the view that if a person, especially a business executive or a leader, who cannot persuade or influence others, then (s)he cannot negotiate. (S)he must get people/others to follow his (her) lead. Negotiation is all about persuasion; one needs to be persuasive, sway, motivate, inspire or affect others. One has to influence one’s OP/others. One should be convincing, more of persuading and/or encouraging others rather than telling or scolding the OP/them.

Persuasion is crucial for many reasons, but conceivably, the most critical reason is because persuasion is a powerful tool for important change, for good and for bad. In a free society, people considerably prefer being persuaded to believe or think and to do things than simply being told what to believe and what to do. Just take note that in a free, modern society, people are open to new ways of thinking and doing, but they want to be certain ethically by persuaders who walk what they talk, who model the behaviour they want the people to emulate.

Aristotle spoke of, “Persuasion is clearly a sort of demonstration, since we are most fully persuaded when we consider a thing to have been demonstrated”. And indeed here, the influencer’s example or demonstration is very important to the person who is to be persuaded (by the influencer).

CEOs, leaders, managers, politicians and debaters must be persuaders; they have to convince and/or sway their OP/people to get their attention and listen to their side of the story while winning them over. And they have to get their people to do to get results. (Imagine these: Can the leader if (s)he is rude, vulgar; demoralising and demotivating, can (s)he then be persuasive?)

Most people, a sad fact though, do not have the power of persuasion.

And truly a leader or a manager should not micromanage; if one asks one’s staff to do a particular task or job, one should not tell or detail him (her) one’s way of doing things—more so, when (s)he is able and willing with a good attitude. Leave him (her) to his (her) own inventiveness and cleverness. Allow him (her) to do the job. The latter is more credible or persuasive, and if one micromanages and details him (her), it only demotivates, if not, utterly demoralises and disheartens him (her).

14.3 Checkpoint

Think About It

Review the following key points and when you have finished the quiz, check your answers.

• 1. Using your own words, write your own attitude to negotiate with the OP/others.

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• 2. Based on the chapter you have read, what is the Ps for successful negotiations?

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• 3. Can you think of other Ps for successful negotiations? Do you have any other Ps to add on?

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• 4. How can I be better prepared for a negotiation?

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• 5. Have a checklist or list out the things you need to do or prepare before a major negotiation:

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• 6. i. Identify your people’s skills. What are you good at? And give reasons.

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ii. Tell (keep telling) yourself (especially when dealing with OP/others) to turn routine or mundane minutes into magic moments, “I will let my eyes stay in contact for an extra second with everyone I speak with”.

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• 7. In what ways can I involve my people and persuade them? How can I get rid of rules to persuade them more to me as a leader rather than as a manager?

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• 8. How can I learn to love my OP (people)? In what ways can I love my OP (people)?

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• 9. How and in what ways can I build excellence through my OP (people)?

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• 10. Are you people-orientated? And if so, what is the basis or reasons for you to say so?

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• 11. Are you proactive? And if so, why? What are the reasons for you to say so? And if not, what are the reasons for you to say so?

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• 12. Do you think you have the power, and if so, what are the sources of your power?

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• 13. Do you think your OP has the power, and if so, what are the sources of his (her) power?

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• 14. Do your OP (people) respect you? If so, why? If not, why not? In what ways can you make your OP (people) respect you?

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• 15. How can I learn to love my OP (people)?

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• 16. In what ways can I build my people’s confidence?

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• 17. How and in what ways can I build excellence through my OP (people)?

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• 18. How can I involve and engage my people and persuade them? How can I get rid of rules to persuade them more to me as a leader rather than as a manager?

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• 19. How can I learn to love my OP (people)?

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• 20. In what ways can I build my people’s confidence?

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• 21. How and in what ways can I build excellence through my OP (people)?

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• 22. In your own negotiation context, what are the interests of your Company/Organisation that you need to protect? And how are you going to protect these interests?

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• 23. When negotiating, why is it that we should not be a rigid negotiator?

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• 24. In what ways and how could you be a pliable or flexible negotiator?

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• 25. What would you deem as your key points in terms of paperwork in negotiations?

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• 26. For what reasons or why do you think negotiations need to be policed?

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• 27. What do you think of the process of peaking as discussed in this chapter?

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• 28. Why do you think negotiations are about problem-solving?

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• 29. In your own context and in the light of your own negotiation experience, can you think it through and prioritise the Ps, the pathway to negotiation success?

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• 30. Negotiations are not about waging war. And win–win is important. Why is that so?

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• 31. What, to you, are the benefits of having peace?

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• 32. Some people say these: “I know it is difficult for you to believe, but you’ll gain sensitivity or warmth points in a woman’s eyes when you share”.

What do you share? And how often do you with your loved ones (your OP/people)?

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• 33. About persuasion and being persuasive:

i. Why is sharing persuasive?

ii. Why is sharing (information) good or beneficial to all parties?

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• 34. “So much of life is a negotiation—so even if you’re not in business, you will have opportunities to practice around you” (Kevin O’Leary).

Reflect on at least three (3) of your life experiences in which you were negotiating. What do you learn from them?

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• 35. You need to sit down and ask yourself these magic questions:

i. “What can I learn from this chapter?”

ii. “What else can I learn from here?”

iii. “What else can I apply from here?”

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• 36. Your own pointers:

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